Somehow I can actually understand how she feels.
I hate Adrianna, I think she's a complete ignoramus. However, there seems to be a glimmer of humanity within her in this episode despite the fact that she OD'd and practically crucified her altruistic best friend because of her own vice.
I blame her mother. Clean and simple. It's her mother's fault for dumping on her daughter that the onerous responsibility of being the sole breadwinner of the household. She's such an megalomaniacal stage-parent who strives to be bloody Dina (Deena?) Lohan.
Although, as much as I despise Adrianna's character, I can somewhat understand how she feels. Tonight, my parents were also being 'Stage Parents' towards me. They consistently have been haranguing me about joining the blogging revolution or making some grand fucking debut on the internet with my stories. They're such capitalists these days and they're willing to sell anything due to their web/marketing-seminar they've been attending - including my talent. I swear, they've been so financially-oriented these past few months that all they can discuss with me is the prospect of me selling my stories, pimping them out there for the world to see.
They just don't understand. They over-estimate my ability. I'm not bloody Stephenie Meyer or JK Rowling, or bloody Beatrix Potter for that matter! I'm not that bloody kid who won dozens of writing competitions and finally got published at age fifteen. Who is going to read the machinations of some insipid teenager who happens to have a certain aptitude for writing? No one. No one bloody cares. It's the freaking internet for crying out loud!
They've become such capitalists that all they want to do is stuff me like a Thanksgiving turkey with ideas for websites and writing and all this other technological crap. They don't know my world like I do. They don't know my writing like I do. Gosh it's so infuriating! I understand their stance and sure, why not utilise what I've got? But the way they're going about it, I might as well be so capitalist I might as well be that girl who's auctioning off her virginity for money! Her excuse? She's a capitalist!
My parents want me to go about this the easy way. They want me to shuck my morals and ideals and short cut my way to success. I DON'T WORK LIKE THAT. I believe in hard work, I believe in doing things the right way. I believe in honesty and integrity and making sure that whatever I may post on the internet is 100% my own. They don't understand that. My dad keeps telling me that I'm too idealistic. Well, at least I'm staying true to myself! I holding on to what I believe in! What is wrong with that?
Talk about selling your beliefs!
They're being so ridiculous.
It's like they're stage parents and they see me as a commodity, a tool to simply poop out stories like a rabbit and expect them to be high grade quality. It doesn't fucking work that way. I'm not a vending machine - and besides, if I were, no one wants a vending machine that only stocks second-rate wannabe brands of cola.
They also don't have any concept of time. The only thing I need on my mind right now is the HSC. IT'S ONE WEEK AWAY AND THEY SPRING THIS ON ME. Why do I need other things occupying my mind and distracting me right now? I DO NOT NEED THIS! I must study! Not think about ways to sell my soul.
Sure I love writing, but it's not everyday that I'm suddenly always motivated. I don't write fast, producing a short story for me takes days, weeks even. I cannot simply run by supply and demand. Inspiration doesn't work that way. I don't have any confidence in my writing anymore. All I only write when I have to now and despite the fact that I don't like it, it's all I can do because I HAVE NO BLOODY TIME to do anything of leisure due to the fact that MY HSC IS NEXT WEEK AND I HAVE SCHOOL TO THINK ABOUT.
Why do they have to keep thrusting this upon me? I mean, yeah it's a great idea and I'm up for it, but the way they are handling this with me is all wrong. They say I'm too idealistic when really everything for them is black and white. I can't simply shove all my stories on a website and go here ya go! Next week I'm uploading something new! I've never worked that way, and when I did, everything I produced was long, drawn out and crap. Utter crap. A waste of the english language.
Here comes the part I hate most:
My parents have never read anything I've ever written.
They never read anything I give them. They don't bother. It's like a sporting dad who pushes his son to constantly train and train and train and then never showing up to his son's soccer matches or whatever. I hate it. I don't feel supported. They go yeah, sell it. But they don't even know the product that they're endorsing! It's stupid!
Gosh, I NEED TO CONCENTRATE ON THE HSC.
I CAN THROW AWAY MY MORALS AND IDEALS LATER.
LATER, I CAN EXPLOIT MYSELF. LATER, I CAN BLOODY SELL MY VIRGINITY WHILE I'M AT IT.
ADRIANNA, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND YOU.
If I had drugs right now, and a complete lack of self-respect, I might OD myself.
