OMG.
OMG.
SIGH.
ONE OF THE BEST FKN DAYS OF MY LIFE.
SERIOUSLY.
EVER.
SWOON.
Will elaborate at some point.
Saturday, 24 October 2009
Friday, 23 October 2009
Even if the Sky is Falling Down
“Rather waste some time with you…”
This blog has been delayed and cast aside for a while now. Whether I’ve been attempting to muster the courage in which to finally convey this into writing, or attempting to categorise my thoughts, I don’t know. When something is in writing, there’s a notion of finality to it, no?
It’s been half an hour… and I’ve been staring at this document, wondering what to write or how to begin. What questions do I want to answer?
Well, Green Cruiser, Ted Hughes, whatever we desire to call him. How is he? Wonderful.
The nicest, most wonderful member of the male species, I’ve ever met.
How embarrassing. I am unable to even extrapolate in words. Well, hmm, I suppose it’s simply because he’s funny and sweet, and... I find it easier to describe him when comparing him to V. It simply works that way.
So we get along swimmingly, he’s ridiculously easy to talk to and make jokes with. I am totally and completely one hundred percent myself and life suddenly seems beautiful like this, it isn’t necessary to pretend that I’m the person I aspire to be. At the moment, talking with him, I am the person I am.
With V, I always felt as though I were having a heart attack as we spoke, our conversations never lasted beyond forty minutes and I was never truly myself. I was a polite shell of the person I wished to be, rather, the person I thought he wanted me to be. We were never personal. I always initiated contact or conversation and I felt like our friendship was entirely unilateral and consisted of one person.
With Ted Hughes, conversation flows naturally, I don’t need to pretend to be anything or anyone. I don’t always have to be the initiator, the instigator I’m shocked sometimes because HE WANTS to talk to me! It’s surprising, and sweet.
In a nutshell, V is the cookie cutter template of the person I want to be with. He’s ambitious, straight-forward, handsome and eloquent… and yet, there’s rigidity, a shell to who he is. Ted Hughes on the contrary, is the actual cookie. He’s warm and enriching, delightful and kind. There’s something so fulfilling and exciting about being in his presence.
FML, Dana, you are infatuated. Or falling. Wait, you’ve already fallen, haven’t you? And it’s bleeding obvious.
Yet I feel horrible and irresponsible. It’s the HSC. I DON’T do this. Dana doesn’t do this. I don’t fall for people a few weeks before the biggest exams of my life. It’s ridiculous and irrational and completely irresponsible.
Which is why, of course, I’m not letting anything happen. We have our futures to think about, and I don’t want to jeopardize that at all.
And then there’s the convoluted politics of past relationships and I seriously don’t want to become entangled in that.
Gosh, the HSC, the HSC.
I am both glad and irritated for its presence.
There’s a part of me that is mildly glad that it is here, it’s an excuse to be hesitant.
When the HSC is over, I…
Don’t know what will happen.
I’m apprehensive, excited, but bloody frightened.
I really don’t want to become hopeful. I REALLY don’t want to. I’d rather be his friend and suffer quietly than not have him at all in my life. I don’t want to have to trudge through the dregs of disappointment either. Who knows.
But.
He’s freakin WONDERFUL.
The things he says, the slight and casual touches, abso-fucking-lutely EVERYTHING.
Gosh, someone shoot me in the cheek and call me Tyler Durden.
Even that stupid Japanese chopstick superstition is working in my favour. FOR THE FIRST TIME, EVER.
I don’t know what to do with myself.
But study.
And not hope. And not pray.
Just being thankful that there’s someone I’d rather waste my time with.
I feel like I haven’t done this blog justice. There’s so much more I want to say, but I have no idea where to begin. He’s just, pure, AWE-SUM.
But you already know that.
Until next time –
- Deeh
P.S Will blog the dream. When I get over it. Or have the courage to.
This blog has been delayed and cast aside for a while now. Whether I’ve been attempting to muster the courage in which to finally convey this into writing, or attempting to categorise my thoughts, I don’t know. When something is in writing, there’s a notion of finality to it, no?
It’s been half an hour… and I’ve been staring at this document, wondering what to write or how to begin. What questions do I want to answer?
Well, Green Cruiser, Ted Hughes, whatever we desire to call him. How is he? Wonderful.
The nicest, most wonderful member of the male species, I’ve ever met.
How embarrassing. I am unable to even extrapolate in words. Well, hmm, I suppose it’s simply because he’s funny and sweet, and... I find it easier to describe him when comparing him to V. It simply works that way.
So we get along swimmingly, he’s ridiculously easy to talk to and make jokes with. I am totally and completely one hundred percent myself and life suddenly seems beautiful like this, it isn’t necessary to pretend that I’m the person I aspire to be. At the moment, talking with him, I am the person I am.
With V, I always felt as though I were having a heart attack as we spoke, our conversations never lasted beyond forty minutes and I was never truly myself. I was a polite shell of the person I wished to be, rather, the person I thought he wanted me to be. We were never personal. I always initiated contact or conversation and I felt like our friendship was entirely unilateral and consisted of one person.
With Ted Hughes, conversation flows naturally, I don’t need to pretend to be anything or anyone. I don’t always have to be the initiator, the instigator I’m shocked sometimes because HE WANTS to talk to me! It’s surprising, and sweet.
In a nutshell, V is the cookie cutter template of the person I want to be with. He’s ambitious, straight-forward, handsome and eloquent… and yet, there’s rigidity, a shell to who he is. Ted Hughes on the contrary, is the actual cookie. He’s warm and enriching, delightful and kind. There’s something so fulfilling and exciting about being in his presence.
FML, Dana, you are infatuated. Or falling. Wait, you’ve already fallen, haven’t you? And it’s bleeding obvious.
Yet I feel horrible and irresponsible. It’s the HSC. I DON’T do this. Dana doesn’t do this. I don’t fall for people a few weeks before the biggest exams of my life. It’s ridiculous and irrational and completely irresponsible.
Which is why, of course, I’m not letting anything happen. We have our futures to think about, and I don’t want to jeopardize that at all.
And then there’s the convoluted politics of past relationships and I seriously don’t want to become entangled in that.
Gosh, the HSC, the HSC.
I am both glad and irritated for its presence.
There’s a part of me that is mildly glad that it is here, it’s an excuse to be hesitant.
When the HSC is over, I…
Don’t know what will happen.
I’m apprehensive, excited, but bloody frightened.
I really don’t want to become hopeful. I REALLY don’t want to. I’d rather be his friend and suffer quietly than not have him at all in my life. I don’t want to have to trudge through the dregs of disappointment either. Who knows.
But.
He’s freakin WONDERFUL.
The things he says, the slight and casual touches, abso-fucking-lutely EVERYTHING.
Gosh, someone shoot me in the cheek and call me Tyler Durden.
Even that stupid Japanese chopstick superstition is working in my favour. FOR THE FIRST TIME, EVER.
I don’t know what to do with myself.
But study.
And not hope. And not pray.
Just being thankful that there’s someone I’d rather waste my time with.
I feel like I haven’t done this blog justice. There’s so much more I want to say, but I have no idea where to begin. He’s just, pure, AWE-SUM.
But you already know that.
Until next time –
- Deeh
P.S Will blog the dream. When I get over it. Or have the courage to.
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Green Cruiser
sigh.
FML.
<<3333333333
I have to study religion now.
Dyz, when I'm free, you're getting a massive blog post.
I'll make new "mood" pictures too (like the ones from two years ago).
Dammit. He's wonderful.
FML.
<<3333333333
I have to study religion now.
Dyz, when I'm free, you're getting a massive blog post.
I'll make new "mood" pictures too (like the ones from two years ago).
Dammit. He's wonderful.
Monday, 12 October 2009
Yeah Dyz.
I'm falling.
Worst timing too.
But that's Murphy's Law, isn't it?
I have Philosophy that beckons.
FML, and yet I feel so elated.
Philosophy.
Worst timing too.
But that's Murphy's Law, isn't it?
I have Philosophy that beckons.
FML, and yet I feel so elated.
Philosophy.
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