Today passed with a distinct, whirling blur. My mind has simply been occupied with the events that transpired over the weekend. They have left me confused about my feelings and uncertain about the precarious future that may unfold before me. At times I have no intention of releasing or "letting go" of my previous emotions for 'The Asian Adonis' so to speak and after 14 billion years of existence life is still trying to be accustomed to getting things right. Perhaps this may be one of those rare occasions, or opportunities that indeed present themselves. No doubt I've been secretly wishing for something like this to happen and the timing is far too uncanny and blatant for someone as gullible and as dense as I to ignore or flit away as a passing fancy. (Which it could well indeed be)However in my current state of absolute confusion and disconcertment I concede that my feelings for the Asian Adonis have indeed mollified. For once, things are actually seeming optimistic for this emerging flower bud. I don't know what I feel exactly for the newly dubbed 'hip-boy' hmm. Uncertainty is something I do not experience often and I think that despite the fact that I HATE it, it is somewhat exhilerating. The prospect of the unknown. Sailing amongst new waters, adventure, challenge. I do love challenges, I'll approach this how it is then.
Hilariously enough though, Lana and Lorraine are beaming with pride, as their little Dana is growing up. I am so inexperienced in this area. Ah well, you learn something new everyday. Being liked, is such a unique feeling. I feel oddly... special. I don't know it's weird. Here I go again, utilising single-syllabled adjectives. It's eccentric? No, that's catachresis, hmm it is a enveloping feeling. One I can honestly say, that I am not accustomed to. In other words, I know that I've been liked before but I've never been aware of that type of information as it was currently... progressing. No that's an insufficient word, that implies advancement, hmm as they are currently occuring, transpiring, happening, taking place, whatever - you get my point. I think I'm being incredibly incoherent, my apologies. As I said, I'm confused.
On the contrary, this could just be a one time thing. You think? I mean if you consider this from various angles and in retrospect, it was a party environment and things happen at night. These things happen at parties, it doesn't necessarily indicate a follow up. I don't know, I'll see what happens this Friday...I await with eager anticipation. Will this be taken further, or remain stagnant as it is? Hooking up doesn't necessarily imply any strings attached. I don't know, I don't like getting hopeful. That is cynical, but whenever I do, they always seem to be crushed. It's all in his hands now. OH MY GOSH THAT WAS AN UNINTENTIONAL PUN! That was so funny it deserved captialization.
Ah Lorraine, I can easily depict you berating me right now and my lacking sense of self-worth. I don't know, I've always seen myself as always the guy's friend, never the girlfriend. Guys simply don't like me that way. Ok, I'm heading on the one way path to self pity. Yes Lorraine, I see you glaring at me now reiterating things about science table conversations. Although what you say may be true however, I haven't seen any evidence of such speculation. Gah! I need a self-confidence boost. For goodness sake Dana grow up!
Ha speaking to myself in third person.
All right, on to today's events (Alas!) Along with my special group of friends, I gathered the courage and told my mum about this. Like hell I'm telling my dad. As if! Although I skimmed over the detail. I need to think about this intelligently and rationally, we'll see what will happen this Friday, I need to know if his intentions are realised. Does he even like me though? Oh Gosh Dana, the answer to that question is pretty obvious. I was bloody smacked in the head with the answer, and you still ask the question. Jeez deeh stop being so dense.
Didn't have swimming today. (So un-segue!)
I'll stop writing now, I have homework to complete. Human interaction is such a complex thing. I wish he'd just say something, I need to know what happened there. I'm so uncertain. Oh gosh what'll happen when I get on the bus? The guys will be there causing a mortifying scene.
Gotta keep a tight upper lip though. I'm really happy, one of my fics received another review today!
Until next time - (which I anticipate will be quite soon)
- deeh xox
PS. Dyz, you crack me up so much, and I do understand what you mean about the whole, turning your story into a fanfic. I totally get that a lot, I feel your frustration.
