Feminism

I am not a conquest!

Oooft. Lana will be disappointed. Ah well. I'm consumed by this overhwleming sense of righteous indignation. I feel so very feminist right now. What I don't understand is why guys have to show off to each other. Pretentious gits. I don't see how endeavouring on the most conquests, and perceiving women as conquests is considered to be 'cool' in their social hierarchy. It's NOT HOT.

So what happened is, is that I was very straightforward about it. I am actually surprised, and am really marveling at my audacity and alacrity to jump straight into the situation. I sat with him and initiated the conversation straight up. Sure it was awkward, sure it was uncomfortable and sure I didn't want to do it but it was necessary. I know that the 'me' of last year would never have done it. So I'm quite proud of myself for doing that straight up. I'm saying straight up a lot. I should stop.

I was a littled miffed at first but now that I've had time to think about it and calm down I've come to realise that the male teenage mind is an intriguing dichotomy. On one hand you have how they are when they are with girls, and on the contrary you have how they are when they're with just the guys. We had a civil conversation and I'm glad the he's appropriate enough with a respectable sense of propriety to respect me for the way I handled the situation. The feeling is mutual though, I still respect the guy. Thank you, I didn't think I handled that with the best of my ability so yeah, it's good it turned out well though. I'm not as pissed as before. We came to a mutual understanding that it was a random hook up that didn't mean anything.

ROFLMAO. Random. Hook up.

THIS IS SO UN-DEEH. Who would have ever thought that the studious, nerdy, sheltered deeh would involve herself with a random hook up. IT'S UNHEARD OF. IT'S INCONGRUOUS, YOU DON'T HAVE MY NAME AND 'RANDOM HOOK UP' IN THE SAME SENTENCE! WOW it's like some bizarre adolescent right of passage. Bizarre. It was nice while it lasted though. What I don't understand is why he had to be all, smug about it later with the guys when I wasn't there. I wouldn't say behind my back because that is just bitchy but honestly, guys! Come on, get it through your heads. Girls don't like playas, its not a desirable trait. You call yourself a player, ok thank you dear brother for your honesty - but ok that just makes me feel like some meaningless conquest.

I AM NOT A CONQUEST.

I know I have potential, I know I am a person, a woman who deserves to be treated like an individual. I will not be considered as a prize. I ain't gonna be played, honey. OH EW! 'ain't' I used the word 'ain't' Oh yuck! Illiteracy, illiteracy, I'm turning illiterate! No. Ok. Just calm down deeh. Well, I'm getting all glammed up for the formal, I think I'll look pretty good. So I'll make sure he sees a picture because I actually considered taking him! Just so he can see what he's missing out on! You just let your jaw drop, honey.

Ah my apologies. I'm PMS-ing. I respect him. I'm not mad at him... surprisingly. Just miffed. I'll be over it by tomorrow. To be honest, I didn't get my hopes up. I actually expected this. So it isn't so bad. To think I felt GUILTY for still harbouring feelings for the Asian Adonis. (Grey cardigan, glasses, bookstore... oh gosh that fantasy Dyanne). HERESY. Omg he's so pretty...

RETURNING TO THE MATTER AT HAND.

He saw an opportunity and he took it, can't blame him for that I guess. It's actually somewhat flattering that I can actually be NOTICED by the opposite sex. Well, in the words of my wonderful Lorraine, if he can't see what's in front of him (If he asked me out I would actually have said yes)then it sucks to be him. HE'S missing out. I'll be content with that. It was nice while it lasted, and now it's gone. Oh well. MEH. Every 16 year old male thinks that all the ladies want him. We have to accomodate for that lapse in judgment I suppose.

On a happier note I MANAGED TO SOMEWHAT INSULT GRUMBLE TODAY!!! YAAAAY! Egotistical Arse. I told him in regards to his quip about coffee, "Unlike you I don't need to stunt my growth" I'm rather proud of myself for producing that on the spot. I should really practice this witty sarcasm business. He's the perfect one to do it with.


There's various positive things that have come from my experiences today. I can study for school cert without any distraction!!! WOOO! I can study in peace!! YAY! PEACE OF MIND! YAY!

I don't like being considered as a Random 'romp' though. I'm the type of girl that wants, you know, all or nothing. Kind of makes me feel cheap. That's a horrible thought though. The day I become an undignified harlot, is the day I become cheap. Which will never happen. Forgive me if I sound self-righteous right now but its better than wallowing in ridiculous self-pity.

Girls experience their period which makes them susceptible to idiocy only about one week every month. Guys have an extra appendage which makes them susceptible to idiocy and juvenile immaturity for 24 hours, 7 days a week and 52 weeks of the year.

There. I am justified. Time to sleep and improve my health for school cert week.

Disbelief *shaking head*

I can't believe I did it again! I'm so ludircous, this is incredibly stupid. Oh jeez I'm so stupid its laughable. How laughable, if I recorded myself doing what I did, you'd laugh too. What am I talking about you ask? OK. Here's my epic tale of madness:

Actually wait, you know what, just because I feel like it, I'm going to tell this story as I do with my other stories: in prose form. Yup, I'm going to write this as though it were a story I'm writing - simply because its fun. Ok? yes. Ok. Cool.

I checked the clock, concerned about the time and my unscrupulous allocation of it. Deciding I couldn't care less, yet being my structured self, I absent-mindedly set my phone alarm to exactly one hour and two minutes proceeding. I lay my head down onto the large and worn couch, and cast from my mind any concern that threatened to impede the zen I needed to create. As slumber crept upon my senses it deviously seized my limbs and soon my appendages felt like a tonne of cement. My eyes drifted shut and the world washed away...

My eyes snapped open. The dream-like delirium fled from my senses instantly. I jolted upwards, shaken with absolute fear as I spied the pre-dawn light streaking through the window, preternaturally filtered through the whisp of curtin. If this were any other occasion, I would have stopped and admired the sensuality of it, however this was not such an occasion. I cursed loudly and sprang upright, wondering frantically the excuses I could produce for not completeing the abundance of homework I promised to complete tonight. Impatiently I yanked up my sleeve and checked my watch.

A quarter to seven.

Suffering a wild paroxysm, my brain fizzled out into an eletric fit of spasms, worry shocking my mind like twitching cockroach legs. A quarter to seven, a quarter to seven in the morning! WHY DID ANYONE NOT WAKE ME? My bus was to come in fifteen minutes! Panic seized my entire being and forced me to move. Move. Move. Move! I ran upstairs, screaming. It's a quarter to seven, I need to move, I need an excuse, I need to do my homework. Priority: Catch that bus! As I bounded up the stairs, three at a time, the sound of the TV halted me.

Neighbours was on TV.

The epiphany suddenly slammed into my brain. It was like Optus Prime in truck form barraging straight into Megatron. It was not pre-dawn light that I had spied through the window - it was pre-sunset. It was dusk. It was night! Alleluia! Relief coursed through me like the sleep that grasped me just a few hours before. I was delirious with relief as a lazy grin washed over my face. Retrieving the bits of dignity that I had unprohibitedly splattered across the floor a few minutes earlier, I inconscpicuously crept down the stairs and back to my beloved couch. Sick with relief, I lay down to fall asleep once more. If only that were reality. Mum and Pa came through the door, shouting sbout eating dinner. I didn't think I'd be able to eat after the noodlebox yesterday, but I was hungry.
--

Yeah. That's the long version of it.

LOL the busbays was funny today. Ah Stef, I love her she's so funny. I sat with her at the busbays today and we were having some nice conversation, and then the guys rocked up with a very enthusiastic hello. Stef's eyebrows raised suddenly with a suggestive curve. Michael asked me if I was attending the diocesan free breakfast on saturday, simply referring to it as "Saturday." To which Stef replied, "Oooh, what's happening on Saturday Dana?" With that suggestive smirk of hers. Ah she's so speculative, that girl. She's so funny. It was nice having a conversation with them though.

What else? I need more sleep. Have heaps of homework though, don't want to go to school tomorrow.

I love my cardigan. :D

Yes I'm very random.

I better go now, So You Think You Can Dance is almost over (Who came up with such a long title?).

I need to do my homework.

Abundant in noodles! Crab! Chicken! Beef! Teriyaki and Green thingos!

*cough* Bok Choy Dyanne *cough*

Emotion:

Whoever deemed it humanly possible to consume that noodle box in one sitting was either:

a) A teenage male

b) A bottomless pit

c) A large man

d) An insatiably ravenous male

or e) Obviously not female

Ouch. I feel like I've eaten a cow. I feel about as lazy as one too. LOL dyz, your posts are so funny. THE DANA-SYNDROME SHALL CONQUER US ALL!!! BWAHAHAHA - ! TECHNO DANCE INFERNO! well. Mine was rather rigid actually. I don't know what to say right now. Hmm... I want to sleep, but can't. Doing elective history, all sense of grammatical correctness flown from my psyche. Tired. Fell asleep in food court and now have a faint watch mark imbedded into the side of my face. Abundant in hokien noodles. Can't write full sentences. Can't think them either.

MEH.

Still full.

I want to sleep. Blissful oblivion. Very desirable. Still thinking of hip-boy and possible events that could occur. Still remember gentleness of his touch.(I hear you AAAAAAAAAAAAAWW Lorraine/Dyanne) Oddly flattered. Elation. Smile. Feel special. Meh. Thank you for the lecture Lorraine via dyz, who sprouted it out very quickly. Reminded me of an auctioneer. ROFLMAO.

Satiated. Still full. Want to read Anne Rice. Haven't read Anne Rice since year 9. Must read again. She's awesome.

Feel like falling asleep on keyboard.

Meh. I'm still full. Stomach expanded. Won't eat for a week. That's it. Next week is coffee and sushi. Sounds like an odd amalgamation. That's because it is. I'm obviously not having them together.

MUST STUDY for school cert.... can't be f**ked. Do it tomorrow.

Meh. Must write essay. CBF. Do it tomorrow.

Want coke. OMG Tim did Tokyo drift in Westpoint Carpark. AWESOME. Must finish website. - yer.

We're such sexual deviants.

Yer. We get that. LOL.

Non-Procrastination - efficiency!

What did you say?? Non-Procrastination? Do me eyes betray me?

No. They don't. I'm working efficiently! wohoo!! I've finally finished one analysis! Yay! One and a half to go! I can't believe I actually finished it! :D I'm so happy!

You know what else has got me happy?

I BOUGHT MY FORMAL SHOES!! And they're SOOOOOOOOOO pretty!! THEY ARE SOOO PRETTY. I LOVE SHOPPING WITH MY DAD!! He even bought the bag to match! Ah bless him. He's sofa-king awesome. I can't stop looking at them! I don't want to take them off! I love the bling! They have massive bling! YaY! I'm so excited!

kk. I need to sign out and do maths homework.

I want to add a pic to this.



until next time -

- deeh xox

P.S LOL. I just realised I used the name of the Melbourne Cup winner in here. Efficient!

Display of Trust?

I just realised, that whole lying down, head on abdomen, entwined finger holding hands thing was quite a large display of trust. If you think about it. Or it quite heavily conveyed the message of, I'm so comfortable with you right now...?

huh???

meh. I don't know.

My head is all screwy.

Using BASE LANGUAGE!! NOOOO!!

I'm going out of my mind.

Until next time - (which will be soon)

- deeh xox.

Retrospect.

Today passed with a distinct, whirling blur. My mind has simply been occupied with the events that transpired over the weekend. They have left me confused about my feelings and uncertain about the precarious future that may unfold before me. At times I have no intention of releasing or "letting go" of my previous emotions for 'The Asian Adonis' so to speak and after 14 billion years of existence life is still trying to be accustomed to getting things right. Perhaps this may be one of those rare occasions, or opportunities that indeed present themselves. No doubt I've been secretly wishing for something like this to happen and the timing is far too uncanny and blatant for someone as gullible and as dense as I to ignore or flit away as a passing fancy. (Which it could well indeed be)However in my current state of absolute confusion and disconcertment I concede that my feelings for the Asian Adonis have indeed mollified. For once, things are actually seeming optimistic for this emerging flower bud. I don't know what I feel exactly for the newly dubbed 'hip-boy' hmm. Uncertainty is something I do not experience often and I think that despite the fact that I HATE it, it is somewhat exhilerating. The prospect of the unknown. Sailing amongst new waters, adventure, challenge. I do love challenges, I'll approach this how it is then.

Hilariously enough though, Lana and Lorraine are beaming with pride, as their little Dana is growing up. I am so inexperienced in this area. Ah well, you learn something new everyday. Being liked, is such a unique feeling. I feel oddly... special. I don't know it's weird. Here I go again, utilising single-syllabled adjectives. It's eccentric? No, that's catachresis, hmm it is a enveloping feeling. One I can honestly say, that I am not accustomed to. In other words, I know that I've been liked before but I've never been aware of that type of information as it was currently... progressing. No that's an insufficient word, that implies advancement, hmm as they are currently occuring, transpiring, happening, taking place, whatever - you get my point. I think I'm being incredibly incoherent, my apologies. As I said, I'm confused.

On the contrary, this could just be a one time thing. You think? I mean if you consider this from various angles and in retrospect, it was a party environment and things happen at night. These things happen at parties, it doesn't necessarily indicate a follow up. I don't know, I'll see what happens this Friday...I await with eager anticipation. Will this be taken further, or remain stagnant as it is? Hooking up doesn't necessarily imply any strings attached. I don't know, I don't like getting hopeful. That is cynical, but whenever I do, they always seem to be crushed. It's all in his hands now. OH MY GOSH THAT WAS AN UNINTENTIONAL PUN! That was so funny it deserved captialization.

Ah Lorraine, I can easily depict you berating me right now and my lacking sense of self-worth. I don't know, I've always seen myself as always the guy's friend, never the girlfriend. Guys simply don't like me that way. Ok, I'm heading on the one way path to self pity. Yes Lorraine, I see you glaring at me now reiterating things about science table conversations. Although what you say may be true however, I haven't seen any evidence of such speculation. Gah! I need a self-confidence boost. For goodness sake Dana grow up!

Ha speaking to myself in third person.

All right, on to today's events (Alas!) Along with my special group of friends, I gathered the courage and told my mum about this. Like hell I'm telling my dad. As if! Although I skimmed over the detail. I need to think about this intelligently and rationally, we'll see what will happen this Friday, I need to know if his intentions are realised. Does he even like me though? Oh Gosh Dana, the answer to that question is pretty obvious. I was bloody smacked in the head with the answer, and you still ask the question. Jeez deeh stop being so dense.

Didn't have swimming today. (So un-segue!)

I'll stop writing now, I have homework to complete. Human interaction is such a complex thing. I wish he'd just say something, I need to know what happened there. I'm so uncertain. Oh gosh what'll happen when I get on the bus? The guys will be there causing a mortifying scene.

Gotta keep a tight upper lip though. I'm really happy, one of my fics received another review today!

Until next time - (which I anticipate will be quite soon)

- deeh xox

PS. Dyz, you crack me up so much, and I do understand what you mean about the whole, turning your story into a fanfic. I totally get that a lot, I feel your frustration.

CONFUZZLED.

I AM SOFA-KING CONFUSED RIGHT NOW.

This post will be really short. I just really need to voice this, to someone anyone I don't really care. Yet seeing as I can't do that I'll type it out here.

I need to talk to someone immediately.

I need to talk to my best girlfriends!!!!

I'M SO CONFUSED AND THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN A LOT. I DON'T HAVE EXPERIENCE IN THIS AREA.

THIS ISN'T SOMETHING YOU CAN READ, ABSORB AND MEMORISE IN A BLOODY BOOK!!!

BLOODY HELL.

I'M SO CONFUSED!!

I can't wait until tomorrow~!! I must speak with someone! I must vent this!

sigh...