Egao! (Smile!)

This was meant to be posted yesterday (Friday 23rd) yet my internet once again was being a pain in the neck, so instead I saved it on a word doc. to post here and now. So here we go:

I'm smiling and I don't know why.

I feel very content right now. I'm still experiencing the slight disbelief of the Straight-A's on my report. I guess I have received my retribution. AT LAST. I swear I worked my ass off, and I guess it's paying off. :D That and the power of music is extremely efficacious. I've had 'Dancing in the Moonglight' in my head for the past three days and I DON'T WANT it to go away, I want it to stay. It's my feel good song, so much to the point that I no longer swear as I wake up or vociferate som derogatory comment about the mundanities of life. Usually something like "Another day in the horrid mundane" or, "Damn I don't want to wake up/ I'm stressed" or more commonly: "My life is a voluminous pile of shit"

For the past few days, I've awoken, smiling. Or happy/content as it were. Listen to 'dancing in the moonlight' every morning and I'm happy. I was HUMMING in MATHS. IN MATHS. I was humming and smiling to myself IN MATHS. LIKE WHOA. I was even answering the questions and everything. Ah the power of music and toploader. It brings me to such a jovial place.

Complications with the opposite sex (aka boy problems) seem so trivial right now. I'm finally returning to reading, playing piano/guitar and writing because I want to write. THIS is who I am. It's great and although I am behind in English, I have time to catch up. I can do this. :D I'm listening to DITM right now, I feel so elated. aaaah.

LOL Dyz, you are my Asian Adonis magnet!!! And yet could you be more obvious!!? I swear so there we are on Wednesday traipsing across over to Westpoint from the Btown station and I see The Asian Adonis' best friend (we went to primary school together, I think he thought of himself as superior to me in some way. He was always that HK gangsta type - my apologies, I digress. Anyway!)so I witness him walking and I bow my head as I usually do when I walk, and we pass. All of a sudden I look up and there he is behind his friend breezing across, gliding above the bitumen like the Adonis-like supernaturally aesthetic being that he is. The shock caused my mind to lapse for about a second before I actually waved and said hi. To which he reciprocated of course. Or it kinda happened at the same time I don't know. According to Dyanne, he said hi first.

See? See? See what I'm reduced to? A babbling, bumbling, incoherent... ponce! There I was sitting with my sushi and Gloria Jeans going: "Did he seriously say hi first?" Urgh. deeh. SERIOUSLY. Thank you Dyanne for not whacking me over the head at that brief moment of feverish girlishness.

Anyhoo, as soon as I said hi - there you go Dyz snickering loudly as though you were Fred and George doing a number on Umbridge. Wait weird. Harry Potter references lol. Talk about obvious. The end of year ten has got me all ferhoodled, as the Amish say. Mark called us psychotic because we ran after traffic light buttons like children. Yes. I haven't done that since, like, year eight dude.

I love Jodi Picoult so much! If someone gets me one of her books for Christmas I would love them forever. It's somewhat reinforcing my desire to becoming a lawyer. I've just completed reading Plain Truth, it was brilliant and intriguing, especially when she delved in to Amish life with such an intricate detail.

I will go soon, I'm really tired. Today I went random and decided planning how to do my make up for the formal??? LOL. I've got about 4 shades of eyeshadow on, along with blue mascara and blue eyeliner. I personally think it looks awesome, as I chose colours that would specifically match my multi-tonal dress.

I'll go now. Thanks for your time.

until next time -

- deeh xox.

P.S I can play 'Only Hope' on piano now!

Last week and Pics from the Awesome-o party!!

My apoligies for not uploading!!! There's some photos from Lana's awesomeo party last week in my...ahem... compromising attire...Anyhoo, this was a post I intended to make last week but didn't have the time to upload it, let alone even finish it. Yet I wrote it last Saturday and I thought it would be an injustice to my peace of my mind if I excluded it. Besides, some very significant non-academic related matters transpired last week. So here's a post I wrote last Saturday, but had saved on a Word file in my computer:

Hello dear blogger, my apologies for not completing school certificate day 3/3 my internet was suffering severe dysfunctional complications and therefore blogging wasn’t an option. On that day, in a nutshell, school, party (watermelon and Tim Tams! Odd and apparently ‘orgasmic’ amalgamation of Nutella and rice crackers?) Computer skills exam - TEDIOUS!

The only significant events of the second half of this week happened beginning yesterday: Friday. It began with Dyanne, my lovely Dyanne catching the bus with me home. I thought to myself, how funny and unbelievably IRONIC would it be if the Asian Adonis made an appearance when she was with me. Now you must consider this piece of information: I haven’t seen him in 7 weeks. 7, so I resigned myself to the likely possibility that I wouldn’t see him much again, and communication between us would be scarce (ergo nothing between us will happen). Seven weeks. Yet funnily enough, yesterday, that day when I was going home to take a shower and slip on my cat woman outfit – my tight, leather pants. (URGH!) THAT DAY OF ALL DAYS, when Dyanne would be with me,

He came.

OH MY GOSH! The irony of such a coincidence. He is soooooooooo preeettttyyyy.......
This may sound odd, but I want to touch his hair. He’s got pantene add hair.

That's what I got up to. Pathetic. I became distracted thinking about his hair.

Urgh. deeh. Come on. Scroll back up for today's post.

School Certificate Day 2/3

What was that? Honestly the teachers gear you up and hype you up for nothing. The test was basic. What was I concerned about? Now I don't mean to be blase about the whole situation, but I guess I was expecting a little more. I was panicking about the maths exam previously, yet as I was completeing it I found myself wondering if this was seriously it. I'm very glad though.

You could tell I was suffering some form of paranoia before I entered the examination centre, evident by the fact that I was the only person in the whole grade that brought 3 calculators just in case they fail me. I didn't even need it that much and they never died. My maths teacher was laughing at me and my abundance in calculators. He had to check them before we entered the centre and when he had to check all three he was like: "Jeez, you got enough?" and other teachers were commenting "Wow, you're prepared for a breakdown" To which I laughed at as I walked through the door. It amazing though that brief moment dispelled all my stress. Clever man, he is, even though it was unintentional. Anyway, what was really funny was that Jelly saw me laugh as I enter the examination room and she became flustered thinking "How can she be laughing at a time like this?" Yes, right before a maths exam, I've never done that before.

I don't know, I should be feeling relieved but I don't think it has "hit" me yet. My school cert is almost over. I don't know what I feel, but I know for certain that there's no more dead weight of the need to study lingering over my mind. I only have the computer exam to do tomorrow - who needs to study for that?

I'm a little conflicted about Lana'as party on Friday...hmmm... well, you see. I have now completed my catwoman outfit. I mean it's exciting to dress up and all but I will somewhat resemble a prostitute in what I'm wearing so I will utilise my large jacket and a change of clothes. I'm not going to spend the entire night in that and then have my dad pick me up and see me in that!! NOOO WAY. The shirt isn't slutty or anything, it's just that - those faux leather pants are so tight! They cling to every curve. I can only be thankful that it's black so nothing is really obvious. But of course black is a very provocative colour. Especially with black boots on...eheh...oh goodness, I can't believe I'll be walking out of the house in that get up. Yet with my long tweed jacket of course. There is now way I'm going out of the house in... that... by itself. Tria said that the cat ears are kinky! They're not meant to be kinky! I don't want to look more like a beacon of fornication that I already do! Oh no...

LORRAINE. YOU HAD BETTER FEEL LOVED. I'M ONLY GOING LIKE THIS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND YOU WANT TO SEE THOSE LEATHER PANTS.

*shudder*

You know what. I think I might just go watch a movie. Yeah it's 10:20. I'll watch half of it and get to sleep early. Goodness knows I need it. Sigh. Now all I have to worry about is English...I need additional material!! Where am I going to get my second one??? Oh no!

K don't worry about it now.

Relax. Enjoy. Smile.

I've taken too much of your time, I'm afraid.

Thank you my loves, and until next time -

- deeh xox

School Certificate Day 1/3

This was meant to be yesterday's post, but my internet connectivity was fluctuating and I guess it didn't come through. It's a good thing I have it saved on my computer.

Yesterday's post:

Haaaaaaaaaaaah. Inhale. Exhale. Sigh.

Today was pretty good, I must say. The English paper was easy, the science wasn't hard, but I didn't have any qualms with it. It was alright. I wasn't very fond of the procedures though. They ticked me off quite a bit.

This isn't segue, but I want to say this. Hey Raz? I know this may sound incredibly inconsiderate, and I must apologise for asking this: Who are you? I'm sorry, it's just that I wish to thank you for your comment properly. Your comment was very uplifting and placed in a very enlightened mood. "Sisters before misters" Thanks! :D I know what you mean about me placing so much emphasis on academics. I guess it is because it's what I've established myself to be. I've always been known as "the smart girl" never really anything else. That has been my label, my identity amongst my social life. My friends do tell me time and time again that there is more to life and I do apparently have more things going for me, but I guess I don't listen much??

Actually, those question marks aren't needed. I know exactly why I don't seem to listen. It's just that I've seen so many intelligent people become snobbish, arrogant and condescending. THAT is one of my greatest fears. I acknowledge my intelligence but I don't want to acknowledge anything else because I don't want to seem arrogant or condescending. I hate the way people think that they're all that. The day I become up myself is the day I... I don't know, it's the day I lose myself.

Yet I know I must acknowledge the balance between respecting oneself and being conceited. I'm still trying to come to terms with that. Initially it was almost difficult for me to proclaim "He'll know what he's missing out on!" So openly because I didn't want to seem so conceited or "luvo."

I guess I place so much emphasis on what other people think of me because I don't trust myself to recognise changes within myself. I don't want to be arrogant. If I ever do seem arrogant, please someone tell me.

Oh and I'm sorry if I scared anyone with that slashing wrists comment. It's not an issue that should be treated so frivolously, forgive me. I watched 'click' the other day and the character of David Hasselhoff, said that line and it stuck with me. I guess because I know what it's like. I don't do it anymore (although it wasn't my wrists). Don't worry. I've been to counselling and the whole she-bang which allows me to speak of the issue so openly. I'm fine with discussing it and I'm never treading that dark and lonely path anymore. Never again. Thank you very much, again Raz. Really, I'm quite curious now, who are you?

Hmm, my corner of obsessions blog. Dark times, dark times. I don't blog there anymore, as I have closed that chapter of my life.

I should go now and study for math, geo and history. Those are the subjects I am most concerned about. Wish me luck! :D OH! My mum agreed to allow me to colour my hair when I cut it! I'm so excited! I haven't done something as that drastic to my hair in four years. I'm anticipate it very eagerly.

I'm so bummed that I won't be able to attend the Youth Mass! I'm in the choir and I was so stoked that I'd be able to read the scripture! I wanted to do it so bad! But we're going to Melbourne, that will be fun though. A bittersweet resolution, I guess.

OK! MUST STUDY! MUST STUDY!

Getting pumped. Not about maths though. Meh, whatever it must be done. After tomorrow I will be sick with relief.

kk study deeh.

Oh wait! Yeah. LOL, when Lorraine, Jess and Bianca heard about hip-boy's "I'm a playa kind-of guy" comment, their simultaneous reaction was "WHERE DOES HE LIVE!" I love my friends. They're so funny. Jess thinks he's absolutely not suited for me, lol. Honestly I want to remove my resentment, I'm still a little miffed but I don't want to be. I want to move on. I want to be passed this. I want to be comfortable with him (well I obviously was last weekend! lol) there is some tension between us. I just want things to return to normal. No more hard feelings. I want to smile! :D

Ok. Time to study! Ah so many things on my mind.

Until next time, my loves -

- deeh xox. :D

School Certificate.

The English paper is AN ABSOLUTE TRAVESTY.

TRAVESTY.

A LAUGHABLE TRAVESTY. I ventured off to the bored, ahem sorry - BOARD of studies website to do practice English papers. Um, hello? Why is that multiple choice so bloody simple! That's basic comprehension! That isn't an English exam. That's a laughable travesty. We're not simpletons you jackasses! I must digress. I'm used to writing an average of 18 pages per exam, so I'm alright with that. Maybe I should just concentrate on the writing task. I should study, I can't be acquiring deplorable habits now. I'm doing my English HSC next year!

OK. I'm over it.

What I'm not over though is my parents. They full put all this pressure on me to study and do well, and just when I'm at the point of degrading my health to do so they turn around and be concerned. Oh yeah. RIGHT. My school cert is in less than two fucking days, they say they're concerned about me and my future - THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT MY SCHOOL CERT WAS ON! "Oh already?" Yes already! So instead of studying, what do I spend my weekend doing?? Cleaning the bloody house! She cleaned my room. NO ONE TOUCHES MY ROOM. NO ONE. I don't know how many times I have to stress this to them. NO ONE. I swear and now that she completely rearranged the contents of my room, I have no idea where all my study notes have gone, or the passed papers I have or my study book! THANKS. GREAT HELP. I'll go to the bathroom and slash my wrists! GOSH!

Thanks for helping me study for my school certificate! Like hell I'm going to write all those notes up again. That took me over a week. LIKE HELL. Jeez, now I have to spen even more time looking for them. What a waste.

On to other matters. I'm kind of getting over hip-boy now. I need to move on with my life, focus on things that distract me. AKA. School Cert, formal and buying a top for my catwoman outfit. Man I got close to actually getting somewhere. Ah well. There's always one's imagination. I wouldn't be a teenager if I didn't engage in some unscrupulous activity.

I don't know, can't think of anything else to write. If there's a female version of "bros before hoes" then someone please tell me.

SHIMATTA! NEMURI DAYO!

Don't know what else to write. I'll catch ya later.

Until next time -

- deeh. xox

PS. I'LL MAKE HIM SEE WHAT HE'S MISISNG OUT ON!!!!! LOL. I'm not gonna be depressed about this, honestly. Independent women!! :D

Feminism

I am not a conquest!

Oooft. Lana will be disappointed. Ah well. I'm consumed by this overhwleming sense of righteous indignation. I feel so very feminist right now. What I don't understand is why guys have to show off to each other. Pretentious gits. I don't see how endeavouring on the most conquests, and perceiving women as conquests is considered to be 'cool' in their social hierarchy. It's NOT HOT.

So what happened is, is that I was very straightforward about it. I am actually surprised, and am really marveling at my audacity and alacrity to jump straight into the situation. I sat with him and initiated the conversation straight up. Sure it was awkward, sure it was uncomfortable and sure I didn't want to do it but it was necessary. I know that the 'me' of last year would never have done it. So I'm quite proud of myself for doing that straight up. I'm saying straight up a lot. I should stop.

I was a littled miffed at first but now that I've had time to think about it and calm down I've come to realise that the male teenage mind is an intriguing dichotomy. On one hand you have how they are when they are with girls, and on the contrary you have how they are when they're with just the guys. We had a civil conversation and I'm glad the he's appropriate enough with a respectable sense of propriety to respect me for the way I handled the situation. The feeling is mutual though, I still respect the guy. Thank you, I didn't think I handled that with the best of my ability so yeah, it's good it turned out well though. I'm not as pissed as before. We came to a mutual understanding that it was a random hook up that didn't mean anything.

ROFLMAO. Random. Hook up.

THIS IS SO UN-DEEH. Who would have ever thought that the studious, nerdy, sheltered deeh would involve herself with a random hook up. IT'S UNHEARD OF. IT'S INCONGRUOUS, YOU DON'T HAVE MY NAME AND 'RANDOM HOOK UP' IN THE SAME SENTENCE! WOW it's like some bizarre adolescent right of passage. Bizarre. It was nice while it lasted though. What I don't understand is why he had to be all, smug about it later with the guys when I wasn't there. I wouldn't say behind my back because that is just bitchy but honestly, guys! Come on, get it through your heads. Girls don't like playas, its not a desirable trait. You call yourself a player, ok thank you dear brother for your honesty - but ok that just makes me feel like some meaningless conquest.

I AM NOT A CONQUEST.

I know I have potential, I know I am a person, a woman who deserves to be treated like an individual. I will not be considered as a prize. I ain't gonna be played, honey. OH EW! 'ain't' I used the word 'ain't' Oh yuck! Illiteracy, illiteracy, I'm turning illiterate! No. Ok. Just calm down deeh. Well, I'm getting all glammed up for the formal, I think I'll look pretty good. So I'll make sure he sees a picture because I actually considered taking him! Just so he can see what he's missing out on! You just let your jaw drop, honey.

Ah my apologies. I'm PMS-ing. I respect him. I'm not mad at him... surprisingly. Just miffed. I'll be over it by tomorrow. To be honest, I didn't get my hopes up. I actually expected this. So it isn't so bad. To think I felt GUILTY for still harbouring feelings for the Asian Adonis. (Grey cardigan, glasses, bookstore... oh gosh that fantasy Dyanne). HERESY. Omg he's so pretty...

RETURNING TO THE MATTER AT HAND.

He saw an opportunity and he took it, can't blame him for that I guess. It's actually somewhat flattering that I can actually be NOTICED by the opposite sex. Well, in the words of my wonderful Lorraine, if he can't see what's in front of him (If he asked me out I would actually have said yes)then it sucks to be him. HE'S missing out. I'll be content with that. It was nice while it lasted, and now it's gone. Oh well. MEH. Every 16 year old male thinks that all the ladies want him. We have to accomodate for that lapse in judgment I suppose.

On a happier note I MANAGED TO SOMEWHAT INSULT GRUMBLE TODAY!!! YAAAAY! Egotistical Arse. I told him in regards to his quip about coffee, "Unlike you I don't need to stunt my growth" I'm rather proud of myself for producing that on the spot. I should really practice this witty sarcasm business. He's the perfect one to do it with.


There's various positive things that have come from my experiences today. I can study for school cert without any distraction!!! WOOO! I can study in peace!! YAY! PEACE OF MIND! YAY!

I don't like being considered as a Random 'romp' though. I'm the type of girl that wants, you know, all or nothing. Kind of makes me feel cheap. That's a horrible thought though. The day I become an undignified harlot, is the day I become cheap. Which will never happen. Forgive me if I sound self-righteous right now but its better than wallowing in ridiculous self-pity.

Girls experience their period which makes them susceptible to idiocy only about one week every month. Guys have an extra appendage which makes them susceptible to idiocy and juvenile immaturity for 24 hours, 7 days a week and 52 weeks of the year.

There. I am justified. Time to sleep and improve my health for school cert week.

Disbelief *shaking head*

I can't believe I did it again! I'm so ludircous, this is incredibly stupid. Oh jeez I'm so stupid its laughable. How laughable, if I recorded myself doing what I did, you'd laugh too. What am I talking about you ask? OK. Here's my epic tale of madness:

Actually wait, you know what, just because I feel like it, I'm going to tell this story as I do with my other stories: in prose form. Yup, I'm going to write this as though it were a story I'm writing - simply because its fun. Ok? yes. Ok. Cool.

I checked the clock, concerned about the time and my unscrupulous allocation of it. Deciding I couldn't care less, yet being my structured self, I absent-mindedly set my phone alarm to exactly one hour and two minutes proceeding. I lay my head down onto the large and worn couch, and cast from my mind any concern that threatened to impede the zen I needed to create. As slumber crept upon my senses it deviously seized my limbs and soon my appendages felt like a tonne of cement. My eyes drifted shut and the world washed away...

My eyes snapped open. The dream-like delirium fled from my senses instantly. I jolted upwards, shaken with absolute fear as I spied the pre-dawn light streaking through the window, preternaturally filtered through the whisp of curtin. If this were any other occasion, I would have stopped and admired the sensuality of it, however this was not such an occasion. I cursed loudly and sprang upright, wondering frantically the excuses I could produce for not completeing the abundance of homework I promised to complete tonight. Impatiently I yanked up my sleeve and checked my watch.

A quarter to seven.

Suffering a wild paroxysm, my brain fizzled out into an eletric fit of spasms, worry shocking my mind like twitching cockroach legs. A quarter to seven, a quarter to seven in the morning! WHY DID ANYONE NOT WAKE ME? My bus was to come in fifteen minutes! Panic seized my entire being and forced me to move. Move. Move. Move! I ran upstairs, screaming. It's a quarter to seven, I need to move, I need an excuse, I need to do my homework. Priority: Catch that bus! As I bounded up the stairs, three at a time, the sound of the TV halted me.

Neighbours was on TV.

The epiphany suddenly slammed into my brain. It was like Optus Prime in truck form barraging straight into Megatron. It was not pre-dawn light that I had spied through the window - it was pre-sunset. It was dusk. It was night! Alleluia! Relief coursed through me like the sleep that grasped me just a few hours before. I was delirious with relief as a lazy grin washed over my face. Retrieving the bits of dignity that I had unprohibitedly splattered across the floor a few minutes earlier, I inconscpicuously crept down the stairs and back to my beloved couch. Sick with relief, I lay down to fall asleep once more. If only that were reality. Mum and Pa came through the door, shouting sbout eating dinner. I didn't think I'd be able to eat after the noodlebox yesterday, but I was hungry.
--

Yeah. That's the long version of it.

LOL the busbays was funny today. Ah Stef, I love her she's so funny. I sat with her at the busbays today and we were having some nice conversation, and then the guys rocked up with a very enthusiastic hello. Stef's eyebrows raised suddenly with a suggestive curve. Michael asked me if I was attending the diocesan free breakfast on saturday, simply referring to it as "Saturday." To which Stef replied, "Oooh, what's happening on Saturday Dana?" With that suggestive smirk of hers. Ah she's so speculative, that girl. She's so funny. It was nice having a conversation with them though.

What else? I need more sleep. Have heaps of homework though, don't want to go to school tomorrow.

I love my cardigan. :D

Yes I'm very random.

I better go now, So You Think You Can Dance is almost over (Who came up with such a long title?).

I need to do my homework.