16 Hours WELL SPENT.

Matsumoto Jun you are a sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy bitch.

I'm sorry to say this. But you are.

Roflamo, if anyone who knows me saw me say that, their whole image of me would be completely ruined. But you know, I am never one to shy away from pure and unadulterated fact.

You are even more of a sexy biznatch when you're rich, in new york, speaking english and totally and completely, one hundred percent passionately in love.

I have just spent the last day and a half watching the second season of Hana Yori Dango and the Hana Yori Dango Movie Final.

This shit is epic. This is HUGE. This is, the official love of my life. I love this series to death. I cannot ennumerate to you how much I am loving this series right now, I am obsessed with it. I cannot help myself. I love it. I would die with this thing, put it in my coffin, will you? Okay, I'll divide this into two posts since, as I said, this shit is EPIC. First, series two.

First reaction: WHOA.

JUST. WHOA.

SERIES TWO. WOW.

The first series was so funny, it was hilarious! This one isn't as funny but hell, it's more gut-wrenchingly heartbreaking, it REDEFINES ANGST. It begins from when Domyouji left for New York to discover who he was, to be "The Almighty Domyouji Tsukasa, heir to the Domyouji Financial Group." He has lost contact with Makino and the F4, so she decides to go to New York and see him.

ROFLMAO. They reunite at a hotdog stand OMG HE IS WAAAAAAAAYYYY HOTTER than before. Holy shit, New York did that boy some GOOOOD. In any case, he was there wearing these Tom Cruise Top Gun sunglasses and I was like D: *drool* and it was awkward and gosh, I was just so.... waaahhh....Okay to sum it all up, how I was feeling was so conflicted.

I sort of understood where he was coming from (it is HIGHLY ambiguous at this point) however, even though I was such a Domyouji/Makino fan, I felt like saying to Makino: Leave him! He's being a jackass! Go with Rui, the kind guy who loves you. (But of course, she doesn't need a kind guy who loves her, she needs Domyouji Tsukasa)Of course, I didn't really want her to be with Rui, I just wanted her to do SOMETHING that would make Tsukasa jealous, realise his feelings and then rush back to Japan to fall madly in love with her AGAIN. GAH. They're so stubborn those two! But then I started crying when Tsukasa's sister saved her from these evil guys (pathetic runts) then she ran after her car confessing that no matter how hard she's tried to forget him, no matter what she tries, everytime she really thinks she can get over him she feels awful because she's lying to her heart and she's betraying him and in her words: "I really...really...really...really...really...love him. I love him!" And she's crying and I'M Crying and faaahh.

Okay. whoosh. back to reality.

THEN. Tsukasa's MOTHER THAT EVIL WITCH (Back then, she was) goes and engages Tsukasa to Shigeru in front of her! GAAAAHH. And Shigeru is pretty annoying, very optimistic cheerful and vivacious, sort of like Makino at first - so YOU CAN'T HATE HER. DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE DOES EVERYTHING TO STEAL TSUKASA AWAY. THEN RUI COMES ALONG AND KISSES MAKINO CONFESSING THAT HE HAS *SERIOUS* FEELINGS FOR MAKINO. THEN OMG NOOOOOO!!!!

What's worse is that if Tsukasa doesn't marry Shigeru then their companies won't merge and the Domyouji Group - richest greatest corporation in Japan - will be bankrupt and so will the Japanese economy and Domyouji knows this. That lives will be at stake that people's livelihoods and families will be affected so he forces himself to try to like Shugeru but he can't because he's still terribly in love with Makino and ...andd....and... this is a terribly long sentence. And you can't hate Rui because. Well, he's RUI.

In the end, Makino and Domyouji know that they love each other but are still too afraid to admit it because of all other factors involved. Then Domyouji discovers Rui's feelings and Rui is his best friend, and he's conflicted and he doesn't know what to do because Rui screams at him about how he's being such an indecisive jackass with his life and he gets angry because all those words are true and poor Domyouji needs to release all this pressure and stress and pent up angst so what does he do? He does what Domyouji Tsukasa does:

He beats the shit out of everybody and completely destroys the ENTIRE HALL.

Now Makino's wondering if she should give up Domyouji for Rui because it's easier and would hurt less people to be with him. THAT'S NOT A FUCKING REASON! I DONT CARE ABOUT SHIGERU OR THE ECONOMY! I DONT CARE.

In any case, Makino catches Shigeru fully trying to have sex with Tsukasa and she runs away *he's oblivious to all* and Shigeru tells her that they had sex although he pushed her off. But its good she doesn't believe it. Then Domyouji FINALLY BECOMES A MAN AND BREAKS UP WITH SHIGERU AND INTENDS TO DO SO BUT STILL KEEP THE MERGER IN TACT. HOWEVER, SHIGERU, WHO FINALLY REALISES DOMYOUJI'S HAPPINESS BREAKS OFF THE WEDDING AND TELLS HER PARENTS TO STILL GO ON WITH THE MERGER. SHE'S A LYING MOTHERFUCKING DUPLICITOUS BITCH.... BUT BY GOD YOU HAVE TO LOVE HER FOR HER NOBILITY. Thanks for being such a great sport. THE CHANGE IN DOMYOUJI IS UNBELIEVABLE!

AENAITSUNO!

ANYWAY. THEN HE GOES TO RUI'S HOUSE AND IN ORDER TO SAVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP GOES DOWN ON HIS FREAKING HANDS AND KNEES AND BEGS. BEGS. HE THE ALMIGHTY DOMOYOUJI TSUKASA WHO HAS NEVER APOLOGISED (well once, to Makino) IN HIS LIFE, THE PROUDEST MOST ARROGANT MAN ON EARTH IS ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES BEGGING FOR RUI TO GIVE UP ON MAKINO. MY GOD DOMYOUJI LOVES HER.

So now with Rui and Shigeru out of the way, they can be together. WRONG! The merger with Shigeru's family fails and the Domyouji group is going down the drain and because Domyouji chose to be with Makino his mum disowns him and cuts off all his money, so now he's poor BUT HE DOESN'T CARE. THIS SPPOILED RICH BRAT GAVE UP EVERYTHING, HIS LIFESTYLE, HIS LIFE FOR THE ONE HE LOVES. HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT BEING POOR, HE JUST KNOWS WITH ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY THAT THEY'RE MEANT TO BE AND SHOULD SPEND THEIR LIVES TOGETHER.

IN ANY CASE. He says this to her, but DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID! THEY GO ON ONE DATE, RIGHT BUT THEN SHE BREAKS UP WITH HIM. MAKINO! I DID NOT GO THROUGH ALL THAT HEARTACHE AND CRYING FOR YOU TO GIVE UP ON HIM NOW, YOU BITCH! But seriously, you totally see where she's coming from. Because he's with Makino, Japan's entire economy is down the drain, their company is going bankrupt and thousands of lives are affected. So she ends it to end the suffering. So now THEY'RE SUFERING.

A-FREAKING-GAIN.

Now she's dirt poor and living in a fishing village where she meets this company owner who invented this great computer thing. She convinces him not to commit suicide and rebuild his company and they become great friends. Then Tsukasa comes to claim Makino back syaing: (omg)

"I'm not Domyouji Tsukasa anymore, I was disowned and now have nothing. I'm just a guy here to see the woman he's in love with."

Then what do those bloody villagers do! THEY FUCKING ACCIDENTALLY PUSH HIM OFF A CLIFF CAUSING HIM TO HIT HIS HEAD, HAVE MEMORY LOSS AND NOW HE CAN'T REMEMBER MAKINO AT ALL. THANKS GUYS. IDIOTS..

Anyway so at the hospital this Nurse bitch pretends to be Makino because he starts to get his memories back about the girl he was in love with and that nurse bitch pretends but he knows deep down inside because the domyouji/makino bond is "meant to be" ANYWAY. SO LIVE/DEATH SITUATION OCCURS AND HE EXPERIENCE DEJAVU AND HE REMEMBERS WHO SHE IS!!! YAY!!!

LAST EP. THIS WAS. ANYWAY.

THE PROPOSAL. OMG.

He proposes at the prom of after her graduation.

ONLY.

She rocks up late and its over and it's dark. wait here:

: dana. de3h - anata mo watashi mo POCKY! says:
After their graduation ceremony is the "prom" but due to car trouble she came late and the prom was already over. She steps into the hall and it's all dark except for one spotlight on him. he's like "You're late! Why aren't you wearing the dress I bought you?" and they talk a bit in the dark, then he asks he proposes! He holds out his hand and she takes it then all of a sudden the lights come on
.: dana. de3h - anata mo watashi mo POCKY! says:
and the auditorium is actually full and those shiny confetti stuff starts raining down on them and everyone is cheering and mexican waving and he sweeps her up off her feet and carries her and everyone they know is there to congratulate them and then they start to dance, because he's always wanted to dance with her at prom....



NOW OMG

THAT WAS SO GOOD, I HAVE BEEN ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER RIDE.

14 HOURS OF GOODNESS.

10 HOURS OF CRYING. OMG IT WAS SO GOOD. BETTER THAN GOOD

RESPLENDENT

WONDERFUL

SUPERFLUOUS

BEYOND THIS WORLD

I LOVE THEM

omg i forgot to mention that Domyouji's mum finally accepts Makino because she saved the company and got them on top again because the computer guy she convinced not to commit suicide actually had a breakthrough invention that the domyouji group invested in and he chose to work with the domyouji group because of Makino so she saved everything and everyone and everything is all good. GO WOMAN POWER!

MatsuJun Hyperventilation

Domyouji Tsukasa and CUTENESS. These two vids are of MatsuJun having to act out skits/scenarios that people give him.

I'm acting like a fangirl.

I am not 14 any more, seriously!

But I cannot escape this:



Fuck man.

If he said that to me.

Died.

When he said "Oide" that was the cutest thing.

But gaaah, this next video. It makes me want to defenestrate my feminist ideals, and go out with a Domyouji Tsukasa, irritated, wild, white-shirt-wearing guy. Oh my word. I don't know why I find this supremely sexy but damn I wish I were that girl.

The situation in the video is, is that the woman's ideal man is this guy who is "irritated, wild and wears a white shirt" with the top three buttons undone. Mastumoto Jun has to act it out. Of course he could do it. He was Domyouji Tsukasa for heaven's sake!

But man.... faaahh.....



DIE.

That is the sexiest "Why?" I have ever heard.

If he asked me like that hell, I'd give him my bank details.

Vampiristic Tendencies.

Bite my neck and call me Nosterafu.

I am leeching, gasping, parasitically seeping the life out of my internet download limit in order to feed this growing child that I like to call "Rekindles Asian Sensation." Damn Hana Yori Dango, why did I even want to watch it in the first place?

I was on Youtube for like three hours today giving birth to my Arashi fandom. I have officially been converted to Arashi, Jenny, your band has won me over. They are adorable. I most especially can't get over all their personalities. I also found a few Hana Yori Dango vids on their but I haven't watched them because of course, they have spoilers. It appears that my source was unable to meet me again today and thus I am left unsatisfied, disappointed and not to mention, crazy obsessed. I feel like a junkie on withdrawal symptoms. Not good.

There's an adorable vid, just one of those slideshow ones, with Domyouji and Makino and heck I felt like bawling my eyes out. I'm not usually this emotional to pictures lol. But they have such a chemistry and work so well as a couple, kudos to the actors man. Gaaaahh.

But Arashi is just too adorable. Hmm, let me find an example. Oh I found this video of them with Ito Yuna, and of course, Ito Yuna was born in Hawaii and grew up in LA so she started teaching them Hawaiian Dance! It was so cute. "One, two, one two, uwehe"



Ito Yuna is gorgeous, and has a gorgeous singing voice. I love her. I would turn gay for her.

On other notes, lol I feel like doing one of those "51 things" Videos, for the sake of doing one, seriously, I reckon that it would be fun! First I need to find 51 things. I'd love to do one! :)

I'd better hop to it now, many things to accomplish! :D

Hana Yori Dango (Boys over Flowers)

EDIT:

Below is the rational, overall review, below that is the fangirl one.

Hana Yori Dango (Boys Over Flowers)
Air Date: 2005
Favourite Aspects: This is my favourite drama ever. I loved everything, the chemistry, the tension, the pace, the actors, brilliant. Also, Domyouji's transformation.
Least Favourite Aspects: Nothing much, actually.
Rating: A+ (5/5)
Overall Review: This is my favourite drama in the world. It's crazy, whacky and draws you in. The drama has a wonderful compelling quality that makes you want to do nothing but sit and watch as well as sigh and cry at the same time. Matsumoto Jun and Inoue have the best on screen chemistry I have ever seen, and Oguri Shun is an excellent Rui character who carries the right amount of ambiguity and mysteriousness. The change that progresses within Matsumoto Jun's character is gradual and believeable, which simply displays his remarkable acting talent and being able to accomplish such a change so smoothly. The last episode especially was beautiful, it wasn't cheesy, it was perfect. One of the best and most fitting love confessions for both their characters. Excellent.

-------------------------------------------------

There’s just something about Asian Dramas that always seems to get me. They’re completely different from Western Dramas. They lack the flair of the Hollywood signature bubble as well as our complications and idiosyncrasies and yet still manage to encapsulate the universality of the human condition. In my opinion, it is quite a good thing that they don’t encompass the “Hollywood” feel, which is why I love them. Asian Dramas are not afraid to be cheesy. Sometimes we need cheesy. Deep down we love cheesy. We revel in it. If we released our inhibitions, we would be living in houses made of macaroni and cheese because we love cheesiness.


One of the best (and major cheesy) Japanese Dramas around is 2005’s Hana Yori Dango (Boys over Flowers) meaning, boys are more important than flowers. This is the live-action drama version of the anime and manga originally written by Kamio Yoko. This series throws cliché at you but damn, those clichés are difficult to recognise – and thus we love them. A friend of mine is a rabid Matsumoto Jun (Domyouji Tsukasa) fan and thus of course she has watched this, along with perhaps everyone else. For three years I’ve been begged, bugged, pushed and prodded to watch this series and all the while I refused. Why? For the simple reason that I do not possess the internet download limit to support an entire series, as well as the fact that watching Dramas consumes a lot of time. But boy, I had totally forgotten that they are so worth it.

This series is excellent. It begins with our very strong, vivacious female protagonist, Makino Tsukushi who happens to be the only “poor” (in fact she’s not that poor, she’s middle class) student who attends Eitoku Gakuen, the richest, most prestigious and most elite high school in Japan. This school is home to the children of politicians, company and business tycoons and movie stars. Everyone arrives to school in a limo, have been (or lived) overseas and sports labels such as Gucci or Chanel with enough gall to flaunt that they bought said “school” paraphernalia in places such as Las Vegas, LA, New York, Paris and London. It’s enough to make a gal feel dejected. But not to be deterred, our strong Tsukushi endures the superficiality of her school, but most especially the F4. The F4, simply put, are the bane of Makino’s existence. Meaning Flower 4, the F4 are the richest sons of Japan and believe it or not – they rule the school. Literally. Because their families are filthy rich, they donate unhealthy sums of money so the faculty allows these students free reign. The F4 is headed by Domyouji Tsukasa, son and heir to the Domyouji financial group, followed by Hanazawa Rui, Mimasaka Akira and Nishikado Soujiroh. These boys don’t have to go to class, (frankly, they’re very intelligent) don’t have to wear a uniform and if you as so much look at them in the wrong way you’re dead. You receive a red notice. Red notices are serious business. You receive one and you are the weed of the school. Everyone (it’s frighteningly mob-like, really) taunts you, teases and harasses you to no end. That is, until one of the F4 – Domyouji usually – beats the living shit out of you.

Makino hates the attitude of the school. They fawn over the F4 relentlessly and are equally relentless to those who receive red notices. She hates the F4. So when viciously standing up for a friend, she receives a red notice. Domyouji Tsukasa is not pleased. A girl has never received a red notice before, and she’s the only girl who doesn’t worship the ground he walks on. Better yet, Makino has punched him in the face. However, in way of Domyouji’s (not to mention the whole school’s) rage, there comes an unlikely knight in shining armour – Hanazawa Rui. He’s cool, he’s calculated and mysterious. She begins to develop a bit of a crush on him.

That’s all and well, but how does Rui feel? Better yet, why is Tsukasa suddenly jealous of his best friend? Makino is the only girl who doesn’t like him, yet why does he suddenly focus his attentions on her?

I hated Domyouji in the beginning and loved Rui.

Now I am in love with Domyouji. He’s absolutely adorable. Rui it seems, is a good friend. But gaaaah Domyouji is so adorable and, well, different.

I was like okay, you’re only going to watch 2 episodes. Which is what I did. Then I couldn’t handle it. I wanted to watch one more, then one more, then one more and the next thing I knew I was getting caught up in this, laughing, crying, shouting. My word, I watched the whole thing. Now I’m desperate for more.

Five out of five stars on this one.
I loved it.

Save Fail

My Computer is on a Save Fail so I have been unable to save the beginning of a fic I began. So I'm posting it here just to have some kind of record of it.

He had no idea what to say.

There she sat, in her white linen hospital bed, engulfed by a gaggle of her red-haired offspring. Some of them had straight hair like the rest of the carrot-topped family. Some of them resembled their grandmother, and like Gryffindor lions and lionesses they sported unruly, recalcitrant manes. All of them were Weasleys, of varying generations. Her children and grandchildren, of course.

Speechless, he had every damned intention to pivot one-hundred and eighty degrees and march straight back to the nearest apparition point. For Merlin’s sake, what was he doing here?

“What are you doing here?”

Good question.

Draco sighed, and carefully turned on his dragon-hide boots – fresh from the box – to face the pride of crimson-maned lions gawking pointedly at him. Their gazes were almost accusatory as though he was an unwanted guest, and most likely, he was. The older of the Weasley children, the adults, were quick to judge with menacing glares sealed with bequeathed suspicion and hereditary enmity. They looked upon him with slight condescension as though he were the inebriated neighbour who occasionally stumbled drunkenly through the white picket fence and into the yard, crushing the meticulously trimmed gardenias. Or at least that’s what he assumed the Weasley hovel – correction, house – looked like. In all his years, he had never gathered the courage or the audacity to check.

“What are you doing here?”

The question repeated. It was the older Weasley, her son, the one with the horrid misnomer. Ah, yes. Hugo. Scorpius had mentioned Hugo a few times in the Ministry. Pain in the arse, that one. Like his father.

“I was invited.” Draco stated promptly, allowing a hint of his customary drawl to permeate his speech. Naturally, as a Malfoy he harboured an exceptional aversion to being unwelcome, or looked down upon. No one looked down upon a Malfoy. Especially not the Weasleys. Hugo responded with a dubious look. However Draco Malfoy was being far from mendacious. He was invited, by the only other person in the room that did not boast red hair. Hugo’s oceanic eyes immediately shifted towards his mother and her frail lips moulded themselves into an upturn quiver. Despite her feebleness, she accomplished the traces of a reassuring smile and an expression that conveyed it was safe to leave.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded solemnly and clasped his hand in hers. Reluctantly Hugo turned from his mother and led the herd out, meanwhile granting Draco a contemptuous front of bravado. Draco gritted his teeth to prevent himself from scowling at the boy.

“I don’t care if you’re Scorpius’ father. You hurt her and you’re dead,” he whispered as he left.

Like he said, pain in the arse, that one.

So the Malfoy patriarch and the Weasley matriarch remained staring at each other across the gulf of standard issue hospital linoleum and the silence that spanned in between.

He decided to break the silence.

“What, Granger?” He couldn’t bear to associate her with that name, and refused to call her anything else other than the name that was hers. His voice was gruff, clearly uncomfortable. At this, she broke into a genially radiant smile.

Life Kicked Me in the Proverbial Balls. Again.

I swear. If I were a male living in metaphor-land, I'd either be developing some serious Prostate Cancer OR would have already lost my ability to father children.

Regardless.

I am much more intelligent and far more stupid than I previously thought.

What a wonderful thing it is to discover two days before Christmas. He is now with someone else. There, I said it. There, I am acknowledging it. But am I accepting it? We shall see.

How am I feeling. Odd. I cannot quite define what exactly it is that I am experiencing. It is like being born again, I feel as though every previous experience I’ve had (however limited) should have prepared me for this moment, assisted me in buffering for such a loss but of course, it hasn’t. Nothing could possibly prepare anyone for this, unless they’ve dredged themselves through this predicament before.

I do believe that Kate Winslet’s character Iris in the film, ‘The Holiday’ reiterates my circumstances both succinctly and truthfully.

“I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.”

Kudos to the scriptwriters.

Of course, I wasn’t in love with him. Just highly infatuated. Whether it be love, infatuation, like or a crush, overcoming the adversity of the unrequited requires both time and patience. Love will take deep root in your heart and a mere crush will barely seed. To varying degrees, time will always be taken, wasted, obliterated, in order to make yourself feel whole again. Varying degrees of time will always be taken to get over that impossible someone. But the pain? Oh yes, the pain. The pain is universal.

As I said, I am more intelligent and far more stupid than I previously thought. When I initially embarked on this fortuitous and educational expedition, I knew that all we could be was friends. I KNEW. I had harboured the insight and intellect in which to predict this. Thus, I am more intelligent than I initially perceived. But of course, I’m a romantic, maudlin pathetic individual. Did I listen to myself? No. Because I decided to fall head over heels and because despite our differences, despite the distance and all the circumstances creating a gulf of separation between us I refused to believe that love would ever deprive us in such a way. In my naivety, I desperately hoped to believe that love would work the way we all wish it work, that for once, it would be my turn. I desperately wanted to believe that God and whatever fated being that governed us all would grant me just this once chance, this one opportunity to really feel, to really love and be loved like so many others have before me. I created a picture of beauty and perfection, something that omitted or condoned all flaws. I clung to it, convinced myself that one day he would see me, acknowledge me and somehow by some unspeakable magic, he would call and say that he felt the same. I clung to that picture with blinding hope, with every will and fibre in my body as a drowning man would commit to his last breath. And now, as a bubble, I watch it rise and float away.

I first responded to this tidbit of information quite positively actually, I surprised, curious, amused, even. It was morbid fascination that compelled me to discover more about her, and yet it was my defence mechanisms which had ceased such actions altogether. I refused to torture myself by comparing myself to her. If he couldn’t see me, well then, I suppose that’s his loss. I could then feel the resentment creep in, burgeoning a deep obsidian within my psyche. And then, finally it really hit me, like a slow but heavy sledgehammer it hit me. It was then that I snuggled into my quilt, closed my eyes and pretended that I couldn’t feel the droplets of moisture roll down my cheek. I wondered, pondered, perused and analysed every memory, everything we shared, simply wondering how, or why, where I could have read it wrong and misunderstood. It was exhausting, I assure you.

To tell you the truth, we’re still getting to know each other, he doesn’t know me. And nor I him. Thus I know that I could have never have loved him. My previous affections for other guys have been mostly of pure lust. However, with him how can the lust exist if I’ve only ever seen him twice this year? I actually began to fall for his personality. That isn’t at all as shallow as lust, this, this begins to take root in your heart, while lust may be perfunctorily swept away. When I needed to get over AA, I merely yanked that plant out and that was the end of it. While this, I may sweep this away with my curiosity and amusement, I may ignore it, I may yank 95% of this plant out. But, I know, that there will always be that 5% left remaining, the piece of root that had dug in the deepest. It lies there, behind everything that is me, and waits as it grows and festers, poisoning everything in the darkest of all midnight shades.

I likened the loss of him to when your computer crashes and all your important files are deleted. I can live without him, I know I can, I simply don’t want to. I suppose it isn’t the loss of him that hit me the hardest last night. It’s once again coming upon the dawning realisation that life simply doesn’t ask you what you want. It hands out all the gifts to everyone else and hands you the dodgy leftovers. I can’t say that I’ve liked anyone more deeply, and it is because of this that I walk away wounded, a mobile casualty. I walk away a little more wounded, a little less complete and a little more cynical – and that my friends, is the pain. Pain, undoubtedly, is difficult - but getting used to that pain, growing accustomed to that festering ball of darkness in your heart, that’s simply sad. Here I stand, a beacon of it. But now is not the time to wallow in self-pity – it’s Christmas, and quite frankly, although that five percent of him will always be there, I know that I’ll be okay.

I will be okay, and that’s a fact that I well and truly am aware of. It’s not the end of the world. However, that too is a source of pain. Because for some unknown and masochistic reason, I don’t want to be okay, I want to feel, I want to know that heart-wrenching unequivocally life changing pain. Why? I don’t know, perhaps it’s because for some pathetic reason, you’ll know that you truly have loved someone enough, and in that way, to make your life paradoxically yet blissfully complete. To feel that pain is to know that you have loved someone with every fibre in your being, and that perhaps, in return for loving someone with such fervour, potency and intensity, they may just love you back.

It’s stupid, I know. That’s my hopeful self talking.

Enough with the angst. I’ve been caught in a whirlpool caged in a prison for nine months now. I’ve been emotionally tossed and turned, I’ve been high and low. I refuse to wallow in my own sorrow. I refuse to think of myself as inferior. I refuse to feel sorry for myself anymore.

I wish to see this as an opportunity, as a gift.

What is that gift, you ask? Well my friends, this is the gift of freedom.

=)

CHRISTMAS CONCERT!!!

The Christmas Concert last night was awesomeness!! It was such an amazing experience, both in spiritual growth and within the maturing of our characters, and of course indeed in the utilisation of our talents!

OASIS rocked their socks off :) It was so awesome-o. I can't believe how nervous I was though. In order to relieve my tension I began to play piano as I find it a highly cathartic experience :) Then Tim comes along on the drums and we had a brief Jam session lol! Who knew that drums could actually meld into Yiruma's "River Flows in You"? I certainly didn't!

The Christmas Concert was so awesome though! Being an MC is so exhilarating, fun and yet sooo stressful at the same time! It was developmental experience, one which had "brought me out of my shell" I suppose, or in Pat's words: "You really came out of yourself." Singing "Lean on Me" with the crowd was amazing! Especially acapella where everyone can be heard. The sense of community truly evoked the Christmas Spirit!

OASIS was awesome of course, I had to run around dancing, singing and MC-ing. All in all it was an awesome night. Saw Chris there too!!! The dance was so funny though, I really thought that I was going to fall off the stage. ALSO MY HAIR WAS SO WINDSWEPT I LOOKED LIKE A MADWOMAN! I should have put it up! argggh, but anyhoo. Meeting the Councillors was also something I'll always remember! I was so honoured! Thank the Lord that it didn't rain!!!

:)

I want to say more, but I need to study!

Bye bye!