What a difference.....

GAH. SCHOOL. TOMORROW. YEAR 11. DAUNTING. SCARY. WANT TO CRY. FREAKING OUT. SENIOR.

However I want to point out as of this moment, what a profound difference ONE piece of clothing makes. This is in reference to me picking up Louie at school every afternoon via Reservoir Road. So I have to walk.

Yesterday I wore my favourite pair of shorts and a T-shirt. No harm there, I had a peaceful walk to school. Albeit hot, no shade and sweltering. That was bad. Having learned my lesson from yesterday, I picked up Louie again, in the same outfit only I wore a tank top to be cooler.

And what a difference that made.

Seriously.

I got honked at, whistled at, and some guy stuck his head out of his bloody car window to hoot at me.

Flattering, yes. BUT COMPLETELY EMBARRASSING.

Honestly. A t-shirt to a tank top, and it wasn't even a singlet top. Not much of a change in my opinion but apparently it was. Don't guys have anything better to do than honk at passing girls?

Well, that's all folks. Not much to talk about right now, except for the fact that I have somewhat rekindled my Naruto love, erm. I woke up at 5:30 this morning WILLINGLY and became very productive.

I still have several things to do for school, so I shall see ya!

Ciao, ciao.

Until next time -

- deeh xox

Gaybashing, Godbashing and Hatemongering

I didn't want to utterly ruin my testimony to Heath by this post. So I separated this from the last one.

THIS IS SO INFURIATING.

In light of Heath Ledger's death, there has been such an uproar about the whole Christian vs Homosexuals issue, due to the WBC wanting to picket at his funeral. There's also been a lot convoluted ideas about Christianity being thrown about that makes me feel so infuriated and furious about it. Therefore I need to correct their egregious and highly erroneous comments about my religion.

HONESTLY. URGH.

However before I begin my rant about these seriously obnoxiously naive people on YouTube, I have something to say about the WBC to whom in which I have already commented on my bebo blog and now am pasting here.

Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) defile the name of Christianity!

I am both mortified and ashamed to call them Christians.
I am unaware as to what God they follow, they have deluded the message of Jesus Christ into spears of both hatred and blasphemy! How DARE they call themselves Christian!

How DARE they picket at Heath Ledger's funeral against homosexuals in the name of God. They besmirch his name with their loathing. I know, that it's prohibited in our faith but HOW DARE THEY PREACH that our God is a God of hatred. This may sound corny, I know but the God I have come to know is a God of love and acceptance. Of FORGIVENESS PEOPLE. You say you fundamentally go by the bible WELL, YOU OVERLOOKED A BLOODY BIG CHUNK OF IT IF YOU'VE MISSED THE FORGIVENESS PART!

A great floundering, gaggle of deluded lummoxes, the lot of them. And the sheer audacity of them! The freaking URL of THEIR CHURCH is godhatesfags.com unbelievable! Ludicrous! To utilise the internet in a manner of vileness and hatred, condemning those who are homosexual - condemning Heath Ledger to hell! Those arrogant, conceited, egotistical puss filled mires, those cess pools of misguided miscreants! How dare they be so conceited enough to have the power to condemn. God IS love, you loutish dolts. HE CAN'T HATE.

I am so livid right now. To think their website has affiliates that cast hatred upon different races. WELL GUESS WHAT YOU HATEMONGERS! THAT'S GOD'S DOING. THEY'RE GOD'S PEOPLE TOO! Man I wanna fly over there and give those fraudulent, charlatans a piece of my mind. They are not Christian.

They are ignorant, blinded, delusional but most of all may God have mercy on their souls and lead them towards 'the path of righteousness.'

HONESTLY.

Now I've been taught to forgive and forget, and that's what I shall do. So I'm going to pray for those, those pestilent, parasitic, imbeciles whose ignorance reaches monolithic and catastophic proportions to the point that it's just not only profanely obscene, but unhealthy.

I will forgive them.... eventually.

URGH.

P.S My apologies, I've calmed a little now. Sorry to ish my rant out like this but it had to be said. Urgh. The inhumanity of some people. Sorry, once again. I get carried away with those fakers who pretend to do crap in the name of God.


OK. NOW HERE'S MY RANT TO THE INCREDIBLY STUPID PEOPLE ON YOUTUBE.

I was on youtube today, looking at Heath Ledger's previous work and of course stumbled upon the trailer for Brokeback Mountain. I have never seen this film, and therefore I watched the trailer, curious because his acting was considered to be superb in that film. That isn't the point right now, however. What I am absolutely livid about is the absolute lummoxes on YouTube WHO THINK THEY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CHRISTIANITY WHEN THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T! OR THOSE CERTAIN ATHEISTS (I don't have anything against them, but there's a lot on there who really try to provoke with their offensive comments) WHO THINK THEY CAN ASSERT THEIR OPINION AND INSULT PEOPLE WITH THEIR CONVOLUTED, MISGUIDED ATTEMPTS TO GRASP OUR RICH AND COMPLEX FAITH.

There was actually this one comment that really made me burst into tears.

TO THE COMPLETE BLUNDERING CONVOLUTED IDIOT WHO SAID THAT LOVING JESUS IS ESSENTIALLY NECROPHELIA:

I know you have your opinions, and I respect that. However, they are highly uneducated.

NECROPHELIA? EXCUSE ME? EXCUSE ME? NECROPHELIA. HELLO IF YOU KNOW CHRISTIANITY AS YOU SEEM TO CLAIM YOU DO, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD ON THE THIRD DAY, EVEN MY HINDU AND BUDDHIST FRIENDS ARE AWARE THAT WE BELIEVE THAT. ERGO HE'S ALIVE, AND WENT TO HEAVEN BODY AND SOUL, AND ALIVE. REGARDLESS OF THE PHYSICALITIES AND SEMANTICS - JESUS IS ALIVE. HE'S ALIVE IN EVERYONE. IN EVERYONE. INCLUDING YOU. SO GO READ THE BIBLE, EDUCATE YOURSELF AND FIND HIM BEFORE YOU OFFEND ANYMORE PEOPLE WITH YOUR IGNORANCE. FOR GOODNESS SAKE! Besides, Necrophelia involves a sexual attraction to the dead. The relationship between Jesus and man is something that is close, intimate and personal it transcends anything physical on Earth. Your relationship with God is something unique and not necessarily categorized as something romantic. We love him as our God, our brother, our father - anything. SO DON'T YOU DARE TAINT SOMETHING SO UNIQUE, PERSONAL AND INTIMATE WITH BASE HUMAN CARNALITY - DON'T TAINT SOMETHING LIKE THAT WITH AN ABERRATION SUCH AS NECROPHELIA.

I have said my piece, and I don't wish to judge you, simply to advise that you know what you're talking about before you begin sprouting unfounded and completely misguided opinions that lack depth of knowledge. Good Day to you sir!

TO THE HORRIBLY DELUDED PERSON WHO SEEMS TO BELIEVE THAT LOVING JESUS IS HOMOSEXUALITY WITHIN ITSELF:

PLEASE DO NOT BE SO CONCEITED TO CLAIM THAT YOU KNOW AND FULLY COMPREHEND THE COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GOD AND MAN. EVERY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, AS I HAVE SAID IS PERSONAL AND UNIQUE AND NOT NECESSARILY ROMANTIC. GOD IS BEYOND MAN. DO NOT CLAIM THAT YOU KNOW THE INTRICACIES OF SUCH RELATIONSHIPS AND DO NOT BE SO PRETENTIOUS AS TO CATEGORIZE SUCH BEAUTIFUL INTRICACY. IT IS NOT HOMOSEXUALITY. IT IS LOVE. Are you aware that love comes in several forms? For example, my relationship with God is platonic, you know.

Please try to defend homosexuality with something a little more grounded.

TO THE PERSON WHO THINKS THEY KNOW THE BIBLE BUT REALLY DOESN'T:

GO READ THE THING. PROPERLY. HAVE A PRIEST TO HELP YOU INTERPRET IT. God is purely an entity of love and compassion and no he did not order us to kill homosexuals and infidels. Homosexuality although it may be considered a sin in our faith, we don't know if God made them that way or if it just happens, however a HUMONGOUS COLOSSAL CHUNK OF THE BIBLE PREACHES FORGIVENESS. Oh and you may have missed the part where it says GOD LOVES EVERYBODY - EVEN THOSE WHO DON'T BELIEVE. HE IS A MERCIFUL GOD. EVEN PEOPLE WHO DON'T BELIEVE ARE WELCOME. Look up Forgiveness, you'd find it from Genesis all the way up to Revelations.

GO. READ IT. THE NEW TESTAMENT ESPECIALLY, YOU'LL FIND A PECULIAR BEING THERE. HIS NAME IS JESUS. HE PREACHES FORGIVENESS. You could learn from him.

TO THE PERSON WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE ALTHOUGH I REALLY WISH YOU WOULD:

It's a shame that you think we're all fools who have as you put it "believe the biggest lie on Earth." Perhaps you should put down the Da Vinci Code for a minute and listen to what I have to say. Yes, the Bible is God's scripture despite that it's been written by man. Yes, it was written by man therefore it is a flawed thing, because man is flawed. HOWEVER. It was inspired by God, and therefore despite what flaws it may have, it is still imbued with the message of our Lord, and that message is one of love. Does it take a fool to believe that life isn't simply a series of accidents and "shit happens" just rolling around in one twisted cornucopia of nothingness? Does it take a fool to HAVE FAITH and believe that perhaps there may be something BEYOND the material physicalities here on earth? Must we be called ignorant liars to want to love, have peace, joy and harmony? ARE WE FOOLS FOR WANTING SUCH THINGS? ARE WE DELUDED TO THINK THAT FORGIVENESS AND ACCEPTANCE IS PURELY AN ACT OF CONSIPRACY. ARE WE!?

I wish you could believe that somehow, somewhere there is someone out there watching you, loving you, wishing that you would strive for something greater, better, beyond this sorry, sorry earth.


I really wish, that we all could excericise some acceptance and understanding. I'm tired of ranting and lecturing. I just really needed to vent my indignance, as the idiots who claim to be know-it-alls are besmirching the name of truth. Misguided and disguised versimilitude is such a destructive thing.

hopefully in a calmer dispostion... until next time -

- deeh xox.

Please don't take my comments the wrong way. These are my opinions, and what I believe. Take it or Leave it.

RIP. HEATH LEDGER.

I was shocked and crying when I found out.

Such an amazing actor, such an amazing soul. Rest in peace, you will be sorely missed.

I think so much has already been said for and about him, so I'll leave it at that. He was truly one of my most favourite actors. He didn't deserve this.

Minds change.

THE BAD MOTHER'S HANDBOOK - LOL. This is hilarious english drama that I stumbled upon. It's so funny, I was watching parts of it in youtube.

Daniel: “You know, when I see women giving birth on TV there’s always the gripping of bedsteads and rolling around in agony, but this is a bit boring.”

*CHARLOTTE SUDDENLY SCREAMS IN PAIN*

*Daniel grabs anaesthesia awkwardly*

Charlotte: “I WANT SOME PROPER DRUGS! WHAT’S THE POINT OF THIS SODDING BIRTH IF NO ONE’S GOING TO TAKE NOTICE OF IT!”

Daniel: “Look, the baby’s premature, they’re not going to give you pethidine, sorry.”

Charlotte: “OH YOU’RE SO BLOODY SENSIBLE! I WANT SOME ONE IRRESPONSIBLE! MUM! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!”

*HOWLS IN AGONY*

Daniel: “Uh, you know er, Medieval women used to chew willow twigs for the pain, it er contains a natural asprin apparently.”

Charlotte: “ARE YOU COMPLETELY BARKING!”

Daniel: “Barking, mad as a dog, oh sorry do you – uh, do you want me to put a CD on or something? Do you want a wet flannel?”

Charlotte: *glaring at him* “No thanks, but if you EVER try to have sex with me I WILL KILL YOU!!!”

*howling*

***

*Charlotte wakes up to find baby gone*

“ Shit, Will? Mum where are you I think my boobs are going to explode, why didn’t you wake me I feel like I’ve been in a wet t-shirt competition!”

“SURPRISE!”

*Bursts out crying running the bathroom covering her chest*

***

*Charlotte and her mum emerge from bathroom*

*Daniel stands awkwardly* “Uhh, I got you something” *jewellery encased in a small box*

*Charlotte eyes him suspiciously*

Daniel: “Uuuuuh, it’s just earrings.”

Charlotte: “Well thank fuck for that!” *she starts kissing him*

Daniel: “Um, um what are you doing?... I don’t think you, are you, are you sure?”
***

Now, how did I stumble across this, you wonder?

Well as outraged as I was an an Edwardian fangirl, I decided to step back and look beyond the eyebrows and non-photogenicness of Mr. Pattinson and decided to give him a chance.

NOW DON'T KILL ME DYANNE.

So, what I did, I went on a Youtube expedition. There I went looking up his previous work (beyond Harry Potter. I have the DVD and watched it again to remind myself of him)and interviews etc. Ah yes, there is a word for this: RESEARCH. To be honest, his role in Harry Potter didn't reveal enough of his acting ability for me. I don't really like being judgemental, and I'm afraid was. A lot. Ergo I've been doing my research to see if he has the ability to be Edward-like.

These are my conclusions:

He isn't MY Edward, HOWEVER he CAN be an Edward. He's obviously some girls' Edward. And to be honest, I'm fine with that. What can I say, he's growing on me (after watching The Bad Mother's Handbook, he'll grow on you too). I was fortunate enough to view a clip of him in the film Vanity Fair, and I must concede that his role there was VERY Edwardian, despite my reservations about him. It was very Edward, that's all I can say. He was in a movie called 'How to Be' which looked very Napoleon Dynamite meets Crossroads. Wait, wow that sounds rather bizarre but I really disliked the way he looked in that. He looked very... erm, like a loser? However, then I caught a glimpse of 'The Haunted Airman' and looking beyond those eyebrows, I began to realise that he could actually do this. He could actually be Edward. NOW DYANNE DO NOT SCOFF, OR FEED THIS BURNING DESIRE TO KILL OR SCREAM AT YOUR MONITOR. He looked very Edwardian in the 'The Haunted Airman.' I very much liked his look there, despite that his character smoked, was in love with his aunt etc.

I also mentioned that I watched a couple of his interviews, and his personality is one of those things that made him grow on me. It's very...hmm... I don't think there really is a proper english word for it. It's very glompable? He's very glompable. (Taken from the Fangirl dictionary of neologisms) Well, cute comes close. It was the GOF interview when he was expaining the swimming scenes, and laughing a lot. It was cute.

I also believe that hair and make up can do a lot. So I think that they'll do something, make him look like Edward...I suppose. I believe he's a very flexible actor. From Haunted Airman, to Bad Mother's Handbook, to Harry Potter? Yeah, he's flexible. I applaud his acting skills. All in all, I'm beginning to really think that he can do this. It's crazy I know, but I think he can. I'm actually looking forward to seeing the transformation xD

Oh there was a casting call for Jacob Black! *cough* WHO MUST DIE *cough* *cough*

RP isn't very photogenic. However he's good in film. I remember reading an interview of his saying that England, the look there is to look all rugged and hung over. Erm, no thanks, I'd prefer him CLEAN SHAVEN WITH BRUSHED HAIR. Which I prefer to be shorter. I mean, I know Edward's hair is meant to be tousled, but sexy tousled, like windswept, hey I just got off my motorbike. Not ohh, shit I just woke up in the middle of the street with a wicked hangover and all I remember is spewing on the hooker I forgot to pay.

There is one VERY attractive/perfect aspect about him. HIS HANDS. GOODNESS HAVE YOU SEEN HIS HANDS? I know this sounds very random and very very obscure, oblique and bizarre but HAVE YOU SEEN HIS HANDS?? THEY'RE THE MOST PERFECT HANDS I HAVE EVER SEEN. HIS HANDS ARE PERFECT. YOU HAVE TO SEE HIS HANDS!

LOL. yes. ok. I'm over it.

Anyway, back to The Bad Mother's Handbook, which he stars in as the very dorky, geeky and nerdy but honest to God adorable Daniel. I LOVE his character there. They tried to make him look dorky at first but I liked what he was wearing in the beginning... skinnies, white long sleeved shirt, vest, tie... I liked that look.

LOL.

"So will you come on Saturday?"

"I'LL COME!"

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"... Pretending to be a part of your conversation. I don't know anyone else."

"Well you don't know us either."


ROFLMAO!!!

OK. I have to go.

In summation, Robert Pattinson has really grown on me and I don't mind him as Edward. I believe in both hair and make up and his flexible acting ability and I think he'd be able to pull it off. Please do not kill me Dyanne, for he is the first guy I've ever seen with perfect, 'more perfect than a girl's' hands.

Signing out. Until next time -

- deeh xox

DAMN IT ALL!!!!!!!

DAMN ANIME HAIR AND DAMN PHOTOSHOP!!

I don't know why but for some incomprehensible stretch of the imagination, I decided to colour in one of my ancient anime drawings on photoshop today. Okay, I see that. Great - creative juices flowing. What I don't get it why I decide to torture myself. I just HAD to choose the one with the most elaborate hairstyle, and the most elaborate clothing with all the shading and the folds and everything! Mind you, I love that drawing it was one my best back in the day and I loved how intricate and elaborate it was so I kept on adding hair and folds. Little did I know that TWO YEARS LATER I WOULD DECIDED TO COLOUR IT! Jeez! If it was with coloured pencils, fine. The job would be done in a few hours. BUT THEN I GO AND CHOOSE PHOTOSHOP! AND I KNOW MY MOUSE SKILLS SUCK! It would have been much simpler with a graphics tablet. But no I don't have one of those.

Now my back kills so bad. After 7.5 hours of agony that is all I've accomplished. Damn anime hair! There's the original sketch that I love, and that damnable work in progress. I hate my mouse skills!

More on my emotional, nemo updates later. No time.

OMFG!!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW SPECTACULAR AND MAGNIFICENT THE SUNSET WAS TODAY!!!!!???? OMG IT WAS ETHEREAL AND TO DIE FOR! IT WAS A FANTASY, IT WAS THE EPITOME OF PULCHRITUDE. But did my camera have batteries? no. DAMMIT NO.

Adolescent Developments

I've asked for a break.

And I got one. He's at his friend's house.

We haven't spoken in three days.

I really miss him now, however, it's good we've been given a break. Now our conversations won't be bleak anymore.

Oh. Yeah. Not that this is very important, but I know I really don't like hip-boy now, he tried once more to be close and I upped the anti on my rejective body language. I think he's beginning to get the point.

:D

Well anyway, I have to practice both Jap and Visayan now, because I'm barely there for Jap and my parents want me to start speaking my native language... hmm... this will be fun. I don't mind being a linguist.

Well. To practice I'll say what I feel right now in three different languages:

"It's so hot!" "Atsui dayo!" "Puerte Inhita!"

There. English. Japanese. Filipino. There parentals. Go be happy. I'll post more later. At the moment, I must sleep.

Until next time -

- deeh xox.

P.S I practiced singing my parents' song. I CAN actually sing it. WOW. I was really surprised. Random, I know.

Frightened

I've just figured out something.

I'm positively frightened. Whenever I think of Nemo, I grow morose and melancholy simply grows inside my chest like a disease, as though my blood itself were turning black and pumping itself throughout my body.

Mostly because last night's conversation was bleak.

I'm afraid to lose him. I'm afraid that we'll dry out and become brittle, eventually snapping. I'm afraid that we'll stop this tradition of ours eventually and by the time we do see each other again, the things we promised each other will lose their meaning and special place in our lives. I'm afraid of the future.

I'm afraid of growing closer, because this is so new and I've never been thrown into the unknown before. You guys know me, I must know things, I want to know everything which is why I'm so damn uncomfortable.

And when I think of Asian Adonis, I feel happier. Why? It's not because I like him more, or less, it's because well, he's safe. He's unreachable, he's impossible and that's safe. Impossibility is safe.

How funny it is, that I find the possibility of a long distance relationship more likely than one with someone who lives less than 10km away?

I'm scared. I'm afraid, and yet I guess my disposition will be determined from tonight's events.

O gosh. *worry creases my brow*

Until next time -

- deeh xox

Bleeding

Sometimes I wonder what is bleeding me dry.

I don't know what's happening with me today, but this post will be short as I intend it to be. The long Melbourne post will be up at some point next week when I get around to finally writing it. Today I spent it whittling it away, a series of consciousness and unconsciousness simply too tired or morose to alter my disposition.

I was reading Jodi Picoult's "My Suster's Keeper" a book I've been desperate to read for a while now and yet, I'm not meant to be reading it. I bought in a whim and was meant to be a "reward" I manage to survive Brave New World, King Lear and Heart of Darkness. I also need to watch Blade Runner, and there goes my holiday. I believe sometimes it is school that bleeds me dry that cuts me, wastes me and drains me leaving my dry and uninspired. Which is probably why I never get any stories finished. "He was Saved" was a large achievement for me, simply to have it reach its completion.

I think I myself am holding that blade.

I think of that girl whose book was published upon turning fifteen. I think of how I envy her, evoking these feelings of hatred. Although it is not hatred for her, rather hatred for the fact the she lives the dream I do not. I often wonder whether she is as obligated to school as I am, whether she simply floats or treads water amidst academic success. It's like a drug for me, such success, a drug I'd do anything to acquire and yet most often I find my hands empty. I find myself wondering whether she simply leaves academics to be and focuses wholly on the completion of her novel, I wonder if her pride is lesser than mine, and she could actually do that. I am a proud person, and I'll admit that. As much as it has pained me to do so, I just have. Pride the greatest sin I unconsciously commit. I am both conscious and unconscious of it.

I do believe that part of the reason as to why I feel so depressed today is that I was reading Jodi Picoult. It's nothing against her, I love her books. I also can identify that the basis of that love emanates much from the fact that I can recognise so much of my own writing style within hers. It makes me realise how much I miss writing, how much of this ambitious dream is laid out before me and yet school and other prattling matters become my obstacles. I remember how much I was inspired and filled with such desire I was to complete my novel and I've only so much as written my prologue.

Yesterday I mentioned Alfred Hitchcock. I explained myself so erroneously yesterday. By no means, Dyanne, do I compare myself to his genius as heinous as he is. I may be proud, but I know the distinction between proud and egotistical, and that would be highly egotistical to dare to compare myself to him.

Part of my melancholy derives from the fact that I still do miss everyone in Melbourne, dearly. I realised that upon having a discussion with my mum last night. It's not the events I miss, I don't miss Geelong despite that I had immense fun there. I miss the family, the people I was surrounded with. I could go to Geelong now and I would hate it, simply because the people that had made that memory worthwhile are absent. I'm afraid this longing is beginning to manifest in my dreams. This morning in the three seconds of blissful oblivion where reality is suspended within that haze of sleep as it dispels I led myself to believe that it was he who I clutched in my arms rather than the familiar pillow I sighed into as I drifted into slumber. It was then when my room blurred into my vision via morning light, that I realised that the light itself had slapped me. Slapped me awake, slapped me into reality, and slapped me back into the state of unconscious consciousness - when you're awake but no one is really there.

And so I went about my day and found myself in the shower, realising that I had already soaped that arm twice, staring at it in my hand and yet my hand kept scrubbing because somehow I didn't know how to stop it. Or when I played piano, feeling the emotion of the song draining out of me with every note as I memorised where my hands should be rather than the quality of the sound. It was a beautiful piece of music and I stopped because I was ruining it. I wasn't concentrating, instead I was worrying about why I was being bled dry and why such eloquence couldn't come to me when I want to write, or why I can form so many characters in my head but never the main. By then, the keys were heavy and I couldn't produce a sound.

I think I may have a slight crush on the illustrious "him" happens not to be the Asian Adonis. And for my own sanity he shall be called "Nemo" because apparently that's what everyone immediately associates him with. I realised just how shallow I sounded yesterday in Dymocks when I explained that I was falling for his personality more so than his looks. I was drawn to his personality and then the looks came afterward. Usually it's vice versa with me, and the personality part doesn't even come into it. Certain people have certain auras I'm attracted to and with the Asian Adonis, I think I simply allowed myself to be caught up in how attractive he was. He had an outstanding aura that was spectacular and gorgeous and stunning, and yet he was humble. Because that's who he is. Yet with "Nemo" everything is simple. Everything clicks, and even though I have to reach 896km away, he seems more real and more close to me than Asian Adonis ever did. However, I could just be saying that now, I haven't seen the said Adonis in over a month, while it was some week ago that I bade farewell to you know who. His was face was the last thing in my mind before I detached myself and said goodbye. My emotions are likely to sway as volatile as they are.

Although sometimes I don't think that I'm THAT shallow. That Vale guy is a prime example. Most of you won't think he's hot. You'd be like, yeah, he's relatively good looking and then you'd turn the other way. However he is charismatic, eloquent, and all about humanities. I think it was those qualities that "made" him hot for me, because of those common areas and I do believe attraction tends to apply those rose-coloured glasses to your eyes. He was very ambitious, and I think the ambition within me recognised the ambition within him. I knew I could have an entirely intellectual conversation with him and I wouln't have to hold back on anything. Therefore he seemed "hot" to me. What's hot and what's not is all based on perception in my opinion.

"He" (Nemo just seems too ridiculous right now, I'm afraid Dyanne if you read this you won't take me seriously) is the same. I was drawn to his personality more so than his looks and then because of that I began to recognise the way his eyes scrunched up when he smiled, so you could only witness a glint of what he was feeling inside, or the dimple that came with it. Or notice how rare that smile was and how it would only emerge when he was very comfortable. Or the way it would simply be cheerful, genial and bashful at the same time. Or the way that simple expression could be so warm. He's got the warmest smile I've ever seen.

It kind of elicits a similar feeling within me when AA smiles, only his smile just hits you with such a stunning, gorgeous Mona Lisa, perfection. While his is a subtle bashful, warmth.

That's the only way I know how to explain it and I'm afraid I'm going insane.

Well, that's a great load off my chest. I thoat that this would be short. And now look where it's got me. At least in "bleeding" so to speak, all this raw parasitic emotion has been released from my system. I feel much better now. I'm telling myself no worries, because the sun will shine another day, perhaps just not this one.

I need to go and sort out myself, and sort out that main character!

Until next time -

- deeh xox

OMFG WENTZ IS A RANGA!!!

Ok I'm still writing up the loooong Melbourne recount post which is why I haven't been updating much - HOWEVER!

I just returned to check on the forum today. It's Teppei's birthday, how could I not?

ANYWAY. I SAW THE NEW PICS.

AND WENTZ EIJI IS NOW A RANGA!!! ZOMG!! HE'S RANGA!! HE HAS REDDISH HAIR NOW!!

A little darker and it's Edward-like.... hmmm...

BUT I FREAKED OUT SO BAD.

HE'S RANGA!!