Confirmed fears

I discovered something today.

Something which upset me, greatly.

I knew it though, I'm not as gullible or as faithful as everyone thinks, anymore. It simply confirmed my fears, an underlying thought I knew but didn't want to believe. I've been noticing things, several things, about people. They don't think I notice, but I do. They don't think I care. I always have. Maybe me being self-centered and conceited has been my defense mechanism against that - because I didn't want to see the truth. I wanted to be ignorant. I didn't want to know that deep inside, I neglected - FAILED to help someone I loved.

That hurt. But being as pathetic as I am, I couldn't confront the truth, and so I maintained my ignorance, my conceitedness, my wild fantastical stories centred on me - because I knew that if I kept them entertained enough, maybe we'd all just forget that like an iceberg, regardless of what's on the surface there's a depth beneath people that nobody sees until you hit it - and the next thing you know you're sinking like the Titanic. That's when you realise that they've been sinking all along and you've done absolutely nothing to stop it - you're too caught in your own life, own hopes, own dreams, own damn relationships.

Truth hurts. Like a bitch.

But I'm NOT going to be ignorant any longer.