Please don't worry about me. Yes I'm lying to you. No, I'm not fine. I never was. I'll never be fine. But don't worry about me. Becuase you need to be happy. Your happiness sustains me. If I can't keep you happy then I have nothing left. All I know what to do is Love you, and if I can't keep you happy, then... then you'll be gone and I will have nothing.
You said I have so much to be thankful for, and I do. Which makes it worse, because I am such a whiny bitch and I can't look at God right now for the shame that streaks it's way down my face.
You don't understand. I need to tell you I'm fine. I need to lie to you. You said that you won't worry when there's nothing to worry about. That's why I need to lie to you. Because, then you'll always worry and I can't have that.
You told me not to lie to you, but you can't handle the truth.
The truth is wretched and horrible.
You want the truth? Here it is:
The truth is I am a proud person, and if I don't put myself down, I will be proud. The truth is that I am a wretched sinner, I'm weak and undeserving. The truth is that I cry myself to sleep every night.; The truth is, I think I've returned to my disorder. The truth is I hate myself. I truly hate myself. That is a strong word and I mean it. I mean it. I hate myself and I don't know why you love me. I don't understand it. I don't deserve you. I never have and I never will. I don't know why you love me, you should be with someone else. But I'm too selfish.
I don't know why you Love me,
but please... don't stop.
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