What's happening to me?

We received our half yearly tests back this week, and to say I'm upset with my results would be a grave understatement. What's happening to me? I'm drowning in the depths of average. I know that may sound arrogant but my marks, my scores, my work isn't up to my standards! This is not me!! I feel like I'm losing absolute control of my life. I'm not being myself, my marks have dropped, I've been too stressed...I don't know who I am anymore, and that scares me. I'm becoming depressed again. My counsellor last year told me that my last problem was that my expectations of myself are too high. I know that may be dangerous and I'm experiencing the implications of that now. She said I would get disappointed a lot and I am. I don't want to lower my expectations because I know that I can reach what I expect of myself. Why would I lower my goals? Why would I aim low? Why should I live below my means and be content with the romantic notion that I'm second rate and I could never be better? Because I know I can be better and I know that, it's just... I just am completely oblivious to what's happening to me. I'm losing my self control, I'm losing everything. My qualities, my good memory, my organization, my meticulous need for cleanliness...How do I climb out of this horrific rut that I've buried myself in? There's a person I know, and no offence against that person but I can't help but envy them spitefully. They are becoming everything I've ever wanted to be. They are becoming the me that I'm losing. Why is this happening?

I'm so lost. I'm staggering through a dry wilderness, drowning in confines which I have risen above, losing who I really am. I don't want this to happen. This can't happen. WHAT IS BECOMING OF ME? Why is my life out of control?

I've been losing my sense of self. I don't know anything anymore. I'm so angry, so tired and so... scared.I need to climb out of this ditch, I must rise to the person I once was again, and blow them straight out of the water. This isn't me, I want to be me again.