No, I am not doing a critical analysis of Austen via a feminist reading of the text. That would have been highly interesting though.
Anyhoo.
My point is: PERIOD PAIN. Last night was the worst it has been in years. I remember the last time it was that bad, I was in year 6, it was one of the first times I had gotten it and I was up ALL NIGHT clutching a hot water bottle, watching those American God shows.
Last night I seriously think that my period pain and/or feministic pride completely jeopardised my chances of receiving a decent (by my own standards) grade in modern. I didn't study. I had to do English in homeroom, before school and during lunch. WHY?
Because I hate my body! That's why! I mean, not in that anorexic way, I'm relatively content with my shape, I mean in the way that's WHY DO I HAVE TO HURT SO MUCH AND OTHER WOMEN DON'T. Hey, it could be worse - I know.
It's just that I spent 3 hours last night in an unproductive, and perhaps counter-productive stupor rolling around on my bed writhing in pain whilst I desperately clutched my pillow. I was bawling my eyes out for heaven's sake. It was like someone just grabbed two Phillip's screwdrivers, rammed them into my ovaries, twisted it around, ripped them out of my body and leaving them hanging by my fallopian tubes, then started masticate and mutilate the shit out of them by stabbing it repeatedly. It's like a heart attack of the ovaries.
My mum being very nurturing at that moment gave me panadol, and so I succumbed to the drugs. BUT THAT'S WHEN THE BACK PAIN STARTED. Sheesh.
Meh. I have to go. Heaps of homework yo!
Damn you Oswald. Damn you conspiracy theories AND DAMN MY HAND FOR NOT WRITING FAST ENOUGH.
I think when it comes to period pain, I am outlandishly masochistic. I like the pain in that way and I have no idea why.
It was funny though, there I was writhing in my bed distraught by this civil war with my body and itself, and there in comes Tim like the Swiss with a peace offering of Outback Steakhouse chips.
Veyr nice.
Comfort food.
I HAVE TO GO NOW!
O WAIT! MY PMS STATE MANAGED TO INSULT MR. GRUMBLE! Seriously. He was impressed that I was beginning to fight back, and then prattled on with some sexist bullshit about how I should be used to being subjugated as a woman. Idiot.
Rachael: "Sir," *pointing to yearbook picture* "After this photo I have completely lost any respect I had for you."
Me out of no where: "You actually respected him before?"
Until next time -
- deeh xox
Thursday, 28 February 2008
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
"Wait. Do I have sex god genes then?"
OMG I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT TIM KNOWS ASIAN ADONIS AND HAS HIS NUMBER.
OMFG.
Anyway I was having this delightful conversation with dyz today about inter-racial... erm, relations due to my discovery of my ancestral heritage. Not only am I part Spanish, I am part Italian. Cool.
Anyway, here goes, hope you can decipher:
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
so its like filo, chinese, italian, spanish, thai, white?
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
how would the children look?
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
HOT AS
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
lets hope they have their father's genes
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
lol
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
hot, terrific at sex, good cooks and long stunnig legs.
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
gorgeous silky hair
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
ROFLMAO
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
it'd be like silky and curly at the same time
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
terrific at sex?
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
they;; be ing. it'll be like toothing for them
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
my children will be sex gods?
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
yes
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
its withthe spnsih blod
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
you rmemarber the vmacprie
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
LOL cause we're assuming that their father is a sex god? Oh yes, bonds of blood
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
wait. do I have sex god genes then?
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
you have the hips and the bOOOOBLES
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
your kids are going ot LOOOOOOVE you
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
Twins
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
LOL.
the question of the day. "Wait, do I have sex god genes then?
EDIT: Dyanne apologises profusely for the spelling errors for if I recall, it is 12:24am and she has received a grand total of 10 hours sleep in the past three days with no caffeinated drinks.
OMFG.
Anyway I was having this delightful conversation with dyz today about inter-racial... erm, relations due to my discovery of my ancestral heritage. Not only am I part Spanish, I am part Italian. Cool.
Anyway, here goes, hope you can decipher:
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
so its like filo, chinese, italian, spanish, thai, white?
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
how would the children look?
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
HOT AS
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
lets hope they have their father's genes
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
lol
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
hot, terrific at sex, good cooks and long stunnig legs.
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
gorgeous silky hair
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
ROFLMAO
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
it'd be like silky and curly at the same time
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
terrific at sex?
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
they;; be ing. it'll be like toothing for them
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
my children will be sex gods?
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
yes
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
its withthe spnsih blod
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
you rmemarber the vmacprie
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
LOL cause we're assuming that their father is a sex god? Oh yes, bonds of blood
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
wait. do I have sex god genes then?
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
you have the hips and the bOOOOBLES
dyz; JERKFACE_ - bourgeois says:
your kids are going ot LOOOOOOVE you
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
Twins
.: de3h - : Epiphany: ? assessments yo. says:
LOL.
the question of the day. "Wait, do I have sex god genes then?
EDIT: Dyanne apologises profusely for the spelling errors for if I recall, it is 12:24am and she has received a grand total of 10 hours sleep in the past three days with no caffeinated drinks.
Monday, 25 February 2008
Lethargy
Too tired right now.
From the moment I woke up to the moment I came through the door, and here now as I sit - I am EXHAUSTED. I need my Reliv!! Dammit.
I was so tired this morning, I stuffed up in Jap and kept yawning, and screwed up my Math Pop Quiz. Great. But bah!
Asian Adonis was there today, only I didn't approach the group. They sat AALL the way on the other side. It's not that I was too lazy to walk 100 metres over there, I was simply too tired. Seriously, and it was only the guys, I don't know why, I feel so awkward around CJ. He's always speculative and brooding. I mean Asian Adonis is exactly like that too but there's more of a deep mystery about him, CJ kind of exudes this cynical energy. Like he's commenting everything you do snidely in his mind.
Yet honestly I was simply tired. I was too overcome with lassitude to maintain social intercourse. Ok well, incorrect terminology which will completely be taken out of context. I was too tired to maintain correct social propriety. So I didn't approach them. I mean it was nice to look from afar and pretend that I hadn't seen them. Although AA WAS wearing his blazer. Ho-o-o-oT.
Chris was on my bus though. That was interesting. What was a breeze of fresh air though was that this obnoxious man was absent today. The absolute ignoramus who frequents my bus was absent - good. He's such an idiot. He's such a bitch. He yelled at a foreign old woman. Asshole. Don't worry I won't psyche myself up for some imbecile with a nose that could sink the Titanic and lift it off the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean at the same time. His nose is INCREDIBLY LARGE. It's like his nose is having this outer-body experience with his face. I am unable to discern how exactly he exited the womb with such a growth. Forgive me, I'm tired. I'm feeling creative and I feel like insulting someone at the same time. It's worse than JK's description of Snape, it's this hooked horrid protrusion into the air, like he jammed some angular wooden block up there and allowed it to just be lodged and grow or something. Goodness knows he sounds like it.
Anyway. I sincerely hope that I'll be able to see him tomorrow. I hope even more that I will be more vivacious. I want those pictures from the Swimming Carnival.
AA come steal me from my loneliness.
Gah. Let me sleep. Lethargy.
Until next time -
- deeh xox
From the moment I woke up to the moment I came through the door, and here now as I sit - I am EXHAUSTED. I need my Reliv!! Dammit.
I was so tired this morning, I stuffed up in Jap and kept yawning, and screwed up my Math Pop Quiz. Great. But bah!
Asian Adonis was there today, only I didn't approach the group. They sat AALL the way on the other side. It's not that I was too lazy to walk 100 metres over there, I was simply too tired. Seriously, and it was only the guys, I don't know why, I feel so awkward around CJ. He's always speculative and brooding. I mean Asian Adonis is exactly like that too but there's more of a deep mystery about him, CJ kind of exudes this cynical energy. Like he's commenting everything you do snidely in his mind.
Yet honestly I was simply tired. I was too overcome with lassitude to maintain social intercourse. Ok well, incorrect terminology which will completely be taken out of context. I was too tired to maintain correct social propriety. So I didn't approach them. I mean it was nice to look from afar and pretend that I hadn't seen them. Although AA WAS wearing his blazer. Ho-o-o-oT.
Chris was on my bus though. That was interesting. What was a breeze of fresh air though was that this obnoxious man was absent today. The absolute ignoramus who frequents my bus was absent - good. He's such an idiot. He's such a bitch. He yelled at a foreign old woman. Asshole. Don't worry I won't psyche myself up for some imbecile with a nose that could sink the Titanic and lift it off the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean at the same time. His nose is INCREDIBLY LARGE. It's like his nose is having this outer-body experience with his face. I am unable to discern how exactly he exited the womb with such a growth. Forgive me, I'm tired. I'm feeling creative and I feel like insulting someone at the same time. It's worse than JK's description of Snape, it's this hooked horrid protrusion into the air, like he jammed some angular wooden block up there and allowed it to just be lodged and grow or something. Goodness knows he sounds like it.
Anyway. I sincerely hope that I'll be able to see him tomorrow. I hope even more that I will be more vivacious. I want those pictures from the Swimming Carnival.
AA come steal me from my loneliness.
Gah. Let me sleep. Lethargy.
Until next time -
- deeh xox
Sunday, 24 February 2008
Inebriation Minus the Alcohol
HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY LORRAINE! YOUR PARTY WAS AWESOME-O!
WOW did I get HIGH.
I was like drunk on slabs of chocolate and sprite. Unbelievably so, Coke had nothing to do with it. I was pointing to the floor with slurred speech and rhyming Anna's name with mine, even though they have different pronunciations. Okay, that last one was a dare, but it was funny though.
AT LEAST I DIDN'T HAVE TO PRETEND TO GIVE BIRTH TO A BANANA!
Anyhoo.
Yes. We all got high, especially as we played twister. Misha's ass was up in the air, to which Dyz commented "It's like an Ashanti video" LOL. Lana's ass was in my face and I exposed an unseemly amount of leg. Ok. It was practically all of it. Thank GOD the blinds were closed, especially with our awkward positions and Jelly proposing sex to Nirasha.
LOL nirahsa's serenade "Mr. G our children will be sexy!"
Gosh, thinking back on it, I WAS high.
I know I keep saying that but seriously. I was strutting to "Hey Big Spender" and random 70's songs in my heels. I pretended to be blonde. I shimmied in the dark. I was vivacious to the point that Dyz swore to reveal this side of me to the Asian Adonis. <---- for he only is aware of the nerdy, quiet studious side of me. Not the high, outgoing 'raunchy' side. The side I only reveal at parties with friends without the parentals. Misha broke a chandelier, Jess willingly dirty danced (never mind that she squealed and ran away afterwards), Dyz gave birth to a Banana, Nush proclaimed her undying love for Grumble, Lana wanted some "Ice ice curry," jelly proposed sex and Lorraine turned sixteen.
Wow. What lives we lead.
I am totally having a 16th birthday party.
P.S. OMG DYZ. THEY DID SOMETHING TO HIS EYEBROWS. ROBERT PATTINSON! THE OFFICIALLY RELEASED PICTURES OF THE CULLENS HAS BEEN RELEASED. ALL DRESSED UP ETC.
Until next time -
- deeh xox
WOW did I get HIGH.
I was like drunk on slabs of chocolate and sprite. Unbelievably so, Coke had nothing to do with it. I was pointing to the floor with slurred speech and rhyming Anna's name with mine, even though they have different pronunciations. Okay, that last one was a dare, but it was funny though.
AT LEAST I DIDN'T HAVE TO PRETEND TO GIVE BIRTH TO A BANANA!
Anyhoo.
Yes. We all got high, especially as we played twister. Misha's ass was up in the air, to which Dyz commented "It's like an Ashanti video" LOL. Lana's ass was in my face and I exposed an unseemly amount of leg. Ok. It was practically all of it. Thank GOD the blinds were closed, especially with our awkward positions and Jelly proposing sex to Nirasha.
LOL nirahsa's serenade "Mr. G our children will be sexy!"
Gosh, thinking back on it, I WAS high.
I know I keep saying that but seriously. I was strutting to "Hey Big Spender" and random 70's songs in my heels. I pretended to be blonde. I shimmied in the dark. I was vivacious to the point that Dyz swore to reveal this side of me to the Asian Adonis. <---- for he only is aware of the nerdy, quiet studious side of me. Not the high, outgoing 'raunchy' side. The side I only reveal at parties with friends without the parentals. Misha broke a chandelier, Jess willingly dirty danced (never mind that she squealed and ran away afterwards), Dyz gave birth to a Banana, Nush proclaimed her undying love for Grumble, Lana wanted some "Ice ice curry," jelly proposed sex and Lorraine turned sixteen.
Wow. What lives we lead.
I am totally having a 16th birthday party.
P.S. OMG DYZ. THEY DID SOMETHING TO HIS EYEBROWS. ROBERT PATTINSON! THE OFFICIALLY RELEASED PICTURES OF THE CULLENS HAS BEEN RELEASED. ALL DRESSED UP ETC.
Until next time -
- deeh xox
Friday, 22 February 2008
Swimming Carnival
Was ok.
It was alright. I actually got more involved this year, actually, the most involved I've ever been. I cheered louder (to the point that I got a headache), spirit battled with several other houses, collaborated with other houses in order to defeat Clare and entered an event.
I got all dressed up too. I mean, I always do but this year was different. Perhaps the Asian Adonis had something to do with that - AND THE FACT THAT IT WAS ALL IN VAIN BECAUSE HE WASN'T THERE AND ONLY DECIDED TO GO THE BUSBAYS WHEN I WAS ALREADY ON MY BUS DRIVING AWAY. *sigh*
Anyhoo, it was a relatively fun day. I scored for the team! I ruined my hair! I swam harder than I ever thought I could! Yes, my long, straight hair is ruined. It's back to curly again, but I've found that I like it all curly and tied up like this with the green thing in it. I was forced to enter the novelty event though, in the end it was fun ruining my hair.
And Baz was there.
What was she doing there? Anyway, I succumbed to Jacinda's begging and decided to change, it was rewarding though. The pool was wonderful, and I got splashed by baz. There went my hair. So I decided to "fuck all" as it were, donned that shirt and swam as fast as I could. I was so surprised. I swam faster than I ever thought I could and I made it. I totally thought that I would have to stop halfway and walk the rest. BUT I MADE IT! INTO A CROWD OF CHEERS! Amy was like "Let's put Dana on our shoulders" and Ms. Foster was happy. So, yeah.
:D
Today was good.
Until next time-
- deeh xox
It was alright. I actually got more involved this year, actually, the most involved I've ever been. I cheered louder (to the point that I got a headache), spirit battled with several other houses, collaborated with other houses in order to defeat Clare and entered an event.
I got all dressed up too. I mean, I always do but this year was different. Perhaps the Asian Adonis had something to do with that - AND THE FACT THAT IT WAS ALL IN VAIN BECAUSE HE WASN'T THERE AND ONLY DECIDED TO GO THE BUSBAYS WHEN I WAS ALREADY ON MY BUS DRIVING AWAY. *sigh*
Anyhoo, it was a relatively fun day. I scored for the team! I ruined my hair! I swam harder than I ever thought I could! Yes, my long, straight hair is ruined. It's back to curly again, but I've found that I like it all curly and tied up like this with the green thing in it. I was forced to enter the novelty event though, in the end it was fun ruining my hair.
And Baz was there.
What was she doing there? Anyway, I succumbed to Jacinda's begging and decided to change, it was rewarding though. The pool was wonderful, and I got splashed by baz. There went my hair. So I decided to "fuck all" as it were, donned that shirt and swam as fast as I could. I was so surprised. I swam faster than I ever thought I could and I made it. I totally thought that I would have to stop halfway and walk the rest. BUT I MADE IT! INTO A CROWD OF CHEERS! Amy was like "Let's put Dana on our shoulders" and Ms. Foster was happy. So, yeah.
:D
Today was good.
Until next time-
- deeh xox
Thursday, 21 February 2008
Morbid Fascination
Is the definiton of what one experiences when watching Happy Tree Friends. I miss that show, horrifying, I know. Morbid, I'm aware. I can't believe this morning I agreed with Mr. Grumble - in paradox. How paradoxical is that? Agreeing with someone in paradox, which is paradoxical itself, it's almost an oxymoron.
Ah how, English encompasses my life.
It's quite sad.
He asked this morning if anyone had anymore "LACK of Project Compassion money," attempts to be disdainful of course, to which replied, "Oh yes, we have an ABUNDANCE with that."
"As paradoxical as it is, I completely agree with you."
Which is also a paradox, because we never agree. We only do when pigs fly, and I do have the inclination that somewhere around the world, at 8:53 this morning a pig was being shot out of a canon. Then somehow it landed into SAW III to be the putrid and utterly grotesque manifestations of one dying man's last wishes to sadistically inflict quintessential pain on humanity in the name of morality.
Whoa, I have deviated so far from the point here. Anyway, I digress.
Today, English Extension was fascinating, absolutely enthralling. I love discussing psychoanalytical readings of texts, the Freudian concepts, although mind-boggling, are brilliant. You should have been there Dyz, we were discussing in great depth about psychology. Psychoanalysis of Fairy Tales is brilliant, and the interpretations of Cinderella! My goodness, it makes it look like a bloody story about sex, menstruation and virginal submission.
And Goldilocks! WOW. Just, wow. The disruption of sexual harmony and the child-like inquisition into the adult world concealed behind closed doors. Disturbing and revealing, it is, but fascinating. I'm almost speaking like Yoda. Also Miss also brought in this fantastic book: "The World's Shortest stories" which is brilliant. It's simply a large collection of stories written in 55 words. I LOVED them. There were so many awesome ones I want to write about, however the point is, is that, that was our homework. To write a 55 word story. Here is what I came up with, it's just a few drafts, I dislike the first one it's not, well, it doesn't "click." The second one, having been "loosely" based on "experience" and true story clicks better.
Title: Hello, is it me you're looking for?
She waited for the bus -waited for him, hoping.
“I’ll do it today,” she decided for the 1000th time.
She turned, and there he stood. Gorgeous, smiling and utterly radiant.
Heart palpitations.
He came forward, graceful, masculine.
Quick! Now’s your chance!
Her trembling hand waved.
He smiled wider...
...To the new girl behind her.
Tears.
Numero Deux
Birthday Present
She sat with him, amidst a sea of raucous people. Laughter, a party.
Sadness, in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, I must be honest with you,” she whispered, “I can’t accept your gift from Thursday.”
“You mean, Valentine’s Day?” He asked.
“I can’t reciprocate.”
Hurt, in his eyes.
“By the way,” she said finally, “Happy Birthday.”
well, there you have it ladies and gentleman, 55 words.
Wow, my mother gave away my sports uniform shirt away to charity.
GAH!
Oh well, I'll just have my fun in writing on msn with Dyz.
I didn't see him today. :( Ah well, hope for tomorrow.
Until next time my loves,
- deeh xox
P.S Swimming carnival tomorrow!
Ah how, English encompasses my life.
It's quite sad.
He asked this morning if anyone had anymore "LACK of Project Compassion money," attempts to be disdainful of course, to which replied, "Oh yes, we have an ABUNDANCE with that."
"As paradoxical as it is, I completely agree with you."
Which is also a paradox, because we never agree. We only do when pigs fly, and I do have the inclination that somewhere around the world, at 8:53 this morning a pig was being shot out of a canon. Then somehow it landed into SAW III to be the putrid and utterly grotesque manifestations of one dying man's last wishes to sadistically inflict quintessential pain on humanity in the name of morality.
Whoa, I have deviated so far from the point here. Anyway, I digress.
Today, English Extension was fascinating, absolutely enthralling. I love discussing psychoanalytical readings of texts, the Freudian concepts, although mind-boggling, are brilliant. You should have been there Dyz, we were discussing in great depth about psychology. Psychoanalysis of Fairy Tales is brilliant, and the interpretations of Cinderella! My goodness, it makes it look like a bloody story about sex, menstruation and virginal submission.
And Goldilocks! WOW. Just, wow. The disruption of sexual harmony and the child-like inquisition into the adult world concealed behind closed doors. Disturbing and revealing, it is, but fascinating. I'm almost speaking like Yoda. Also Miss also brought in this fantastic book: "The World's Shortest stories" which is brilliant. It's simply a large collection of stories written in 55 words. I LOVED them. There were so many awesome ones I want to write about, however the point is, is that, that was our homework. To write a 55 word story. Here is what I came up with, it's just a few drafts, I dislike the first one it's not, well, it doesn't "click." The second one, having been "loosely" based on "experience" and true story clicks better.
Title: Hello, is it me you're looking for?
She waited for the bus -waited for him, hoping.
“I’ll do it today,” she decided for the 1000th time.
She turned, and there he stood. Gorgeous, smiling and utterly radiant.
Heart palpitations.
He came forward, graceful, masculine.
Quick! Now’s your chance!
Her trembling hand waved.
He smiled wider...
...To the new girl behind her.
Tears.
Numero Deux
Birthday Present
She sat with him, amidst a sea of raucous people. Laughter, a party.
Sadness, in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, I must be honest with you,” she whispered, “I can’t accept your gift from Thursday.”
“You mean, Valentine’s Day?” He asked.
“I can’t reciprocate.”
Hurt, in his eyes.
“By the way,” she said finally, “Happy Birthday.”
well, there you have it ladies and gentleman, 55 words.
Wow, my mother gave away my sports uniform shirt away to charity.
GAH!
Oh well, I'll just have my fun in writing on msn with Dyz.
I didn't see him today. :( Ah well, hope for tomorrow.
Until next time my loves,
- deeh xox
P.S Swimming carnival tomorrow!
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
Almost Apotheosis
I had an almost perfect afternoon.
Almost perfect. *sigh*
I am too overwhelmed with lassitude to detail every detail at the moment, as I will relay it tomorrow.
All I have to say is that today, everything fell into place.
Thank you Dyanne, I love you so much. Such a lovely twist of fate it was. LOL.
Today was ALMOST perfect because:
a) I discovered his affections for another (who is NOT me)
b) We were both dead tired and thus lacked vivacious conversation.
However, as Mia Michael's says: it is a celebration of goodbyes. And I celebrate this goodbye.
CLOSE PROXIMITY! Gah!
Makes me high.
Tantalises. Tempts.
"The slow progression and escalation of affection" Is thus the plan.
*sigh*
What a lovely afternoon. Makes me want to listen to Jason Mraz.
Loverly. :)
Until next time -
loves you all very muchly so, - deeh xoxxox
:D
Mood: wistful
Almost perfect. *sigh*
I am too overwhelmed with lassitude to detail every detail at the moment, as I will relay it tomorrow.
All I have to say is that today, everything fell into place.
Thank you Dyanne, I love you so much. Such a lovely twist of fate it was. LOL.
Today was ALMOST perfect because:
a) I discovered his affections for another (who is NOT me)
b) We were both dead tired and thus lacked vivacious conversation.
However, as Mia Michael's says: it is a celebration of goodbyes. And I celebrate this goodbye.
CLOSE PROXIMITY! Gah!
Makes me high.
Tantalises. Tempts.
"The slow progression and escalation of affection" Is thus the plan.
*sigh*
What a lovely afternoon. Makes me want to listen to Jason Mraz.
Loverly. :)
Until next time -
loves you all very muchly so, - deeh xoxxox
:D
Mood: wistful
Saturday, 16 February 2008
Cold Hard Bitch
Yo. That's me. The Cold Hard Bitch. In the words of Tim "SLACK! THAT'S DOOOOOOOOOOOOGG THAT'S SO CUT DANA, YOU'RE SUCH A DOG!" *He laughs hysterically*
I feel SO awful, and I feel even worse for feeling so... liberated? It wasn't my fault that it I HAD to inform him that my feelings didn't reciprocate. I was hoping that the next time I saw Rob, it wouldn't be anywhere near his birthday, and I feel like such an idiot, rejecting him and then saying, "Well, Happy Birthday, by the way."
I hadn't intended on seeing him any time soon, and it was just that today of all days there was a Youth Band practice and Tim required additional female singers. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HE'D BE THERE! It wasn't even in my agenda to attend the band practice, I'm not a lead singer! Anyway, so there I was in the car as my parents dropped me off and then the thought occurred to me that he may just be there. Frantically I searched for his brother's car and lo and behold, there it was glaring at me in all its shiny, silver, annoying glory.
Shit. Major shit.
Bracing myself, I exited my parents' little blue hatchback entered the belly of the beast. Throughout the entire practice I avoided gaze, although I could feel it on me. I thoroughly contemplated leaving it for now, not saying anything because it was his birthday. Yet I knew. If I didn't bring it up now, if I chickened out, I never would - and if I ever would, by then it would be too late. Besides, if I didn't possess the courage or gall to do this, how will I ever when the time comes for me to reveal to AA the emotions I hold for him? I just had to think of Eclipse, he was my Jacob Black, I was Bella and I have an Edward in sights already.
After practice, Michael and Paul decided to go through a Fallout Boy marathon, playing all their songs on drums and electric (which was awesome, despite anything you say Dyanne). Anyway, we were all outside waiting to be picked up so I decided to wait and while away the minutes by sitting a top Tim's car.
He joined me.
I thought to myself: "It's now or never." Gladly he initiated the conversation with an ambiguous yet all knowing, "How was your week?" To which I replied, "Good, oh and thanks by the way." I don't look at him, I rarely looked at him throughout this entire harrowing experience.
"Thanks, for what?" He replies - I can hear the smile in his voice and cringe as I know I'll be wiping it clean off his face.
"..." I hesitate, "The flowers, thanks they were nice but you have to know that... I don't feel the same way..." I refuse to look at him at this point. Here he becomes quite confusing.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that, I don't feel THAT way about you," I emphasise, trying to draw away yet hoping he understands my point. This is where he tries to conceal his intentions, but we both know it's too late.
"Well, why does it have to be that situation? I mean, why did it have to be interpreted that way?" He begins to prattle on, and I know he's grasping at straws, it becomes confusing as he attempts to disguise his romantic attentions as friendship. I remain silent. This segment seems to continually evade me, I don't really remember this section.
"O...k," I said, puzzled. "I mean the sentiment (the flowers)is very sweet and very flattering and I like you, but not that way."
"Do you want to take a walk to talk about this?"
NOO WAY. I was thoroughly against this. I needed the support of the people around me, taking a walk would prolong and extend the situation, and I wanted a quick, clean cut break.
"Um, this is already awkward enough already, I told him, illustrating that I was unwilling.
"Then how do you feel about me? What do you think of me?"
"I like you as a friend," I repeated, pretending that the hose in the garden was absolutely riveting. at least it gave me something to concentrate on as I did this. "and that's all. I mean I have to be honest with you, you're friend, but... there's nothing here," my hand is over my heart (VERY CLICHE now that I reflect on it), "I'm sorry but that's just the way it is."
"Yeah, you'd probably meet someone in Uni aye?" He says, and I can't quite decipher the tone of his voice.
I nod slightly in reply, unsure "...er, probably?"
"Yeah," he agrees, seemingly forlorn, "what would a girl like you want with a guy like me? A guy who hasn't had a proper education, isn't properly employed..." I was shocked, he chose NOW to jump into the ocean of self-pity. Now that I think back on it, I think that he was simply having the nerve to GUILT TRIP ME, as if I didn't feel awful enough! Anyway, at the time, I truly felt sorry for him.
"Hey! hey, it's nothing against you!" I interjected quickly, "I just don't, feel anything. It's nothing against you, nothing's wrong with you." I was desperately trying to save the situation.
"Well that's what my parents were saying, they were getting pissed at me for thinking that..."
"Look, as I said, it's nothing against you."
"Thanks..."
"Oh um, Happy Birthday, by the way"
"Thank you, you know you're the first person outside my family who has greeted me that?"
"Oh really, well I remember everyone's birthday" (which is the truth)
*phew*
Then he goes on about if we could still be friends, not wanting to make the situation any more awkward or any more tension arise, I agree. That's how it went.
I often found myself wondering if I would ever regret this. Then I thought of if I changed my mind and decided to get with hip-boy, then I though of Asian Adonis, and if by some extensive stretch of the imagination he ever reciprocated my feelings. Wouldn't you just HATE that if you're trapped in a relationship with someone you don't particularly like when the right one comes along? THEN I would regret it.
I'm beginning to speak with AA a lot more, and my feelings seem to grow. He likes to tease me, in that nice un-offending way. It's a nice laugh. :D I hate my dad's timing. There I was JUST ABOUT to sit next with him and strike a conversation with him (there he was, already smiling at me in all his utter *swoon*ness), and MY DAD RINGS TELLING ME HE IS GOING TO PICK ME UP!!! GAH!!
ANYWAY. DYZ. Your car is green. I like green too. I bought a green shirt for the swimming carnival. :D
Tim is unbelievable I told him about the flowers today, this was his reply: "FLOWERS? TO OUR HOUSE? WHAT A GUY. What a guy. I respect him now, he has earned my respect, what a guy." Tim is laughing. He finds my unfortunate predicament highly amusing.
Then I tell him that they're fake. He then produces some psychotic romantic bullshit about why fake is better. "You see Dana, he didn't get you real roses because he didn't know... if anything between you was real."
I shake my fist at him.
My reply was sassy enough, "I know exactly what's between us. Nothing."
COLD LIKE CUT ICE (stolen from Dyz)
Then I told Tim that I felt awful because today was his birthday.
HE BURST OUT LAUGHING.
"DOOOOOG! THAT'S SLACK. REJECTED HIM ON HIS BIRTHDAY! YOU'RE SUCH A DOG!"
Yeah. That's how progressed my day.
Until next time -
- deeh xox.
P.S Very tired now. Spent whole day cleaning...
I feel SO awful, and I feel even worse for feeling so... liberated? It wasn't my fault that it I HAD to inform him that my feelings didn't reciprocate. I was hoping that the next time I saw Rob, it wouldn't be anywhere near his birthday, and I feel like such an idiot, rejecting him and then saying, "Well, Happy Birthday, by the way."
I hadn't intended on seeing him any time soon, and it was just that today of all days there was a Youth Band practice and Tim required additional female singers. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HE'D BE THERE! It wasn't even in my agenda to attend the band practice, I'm not a lead singer! Anyway, so there I was in the car as my parents dropped me off and then the thought occurred to me that he may just be there. Frantically I searched for his brother's car and lo and behold, there it was glaring at me in all its shiny, silver, annoying glory.
Shit. Major shit.
Bracing myself, I exited my parents' little blue hatchback entered the belly of the beast. Throughout the entire practice I avoided gaze, although I could feel it on me. I thoroughly contemplated leaving it for now, not saying anything because it was his birthday. Yet I knew. If I didn't bring it up now, if I chickened out, I never would - and if I ever would, by then it would be too late. Besides, if I didn't possess the courage or gall to do this, how will I ever when the time comes for me to reveal to AA the emotions I hold for him? I just had to think of Eclipse, he was my Jacob Black, I was Bella and I have an Edward in sights already.
After practice, Michael and Paul decided to go through a Fallout Boy marathon, playing all their songs on drums and electric (which was awesome, despite anything you say Dyanne). Anyway, we were all outside waiting to be picked up so I decided to wait and while away the minutes by sitting a top Tim's car.
He joined me.
I thought to myself: "It's now or never." Gladly he initiated the conversation with an ambiguous yet all knowing, "How was your week?" To which I replied, "Good, oh and thanks by the way." I don't look at him, I rarely looked at him throughout this entire harrowing experience.
"Thanks, for what?" He replies - I can hear the smile in his voice and cringe as I know I'll be wiping it clean off his face.
"..." I hesitate, "The flowers, thanks they were nice but you have to know that... I don't feel the same way..." I refuse to look at him at this point. Here he becomes quite confusing.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that, I don't feel THAT way about you," I emphasise, trying to draw away yet hoping he understands my point. This is where he tries to conceal his intentions, but we both know it's too late.
"Well, why does it have to be that situation? I mean, why did it have to be interpreted that way?" He begins to prattle on, and I know he's grasping at straws, it becomes confusing as he attempts to disguise his romantic attentions as friendship. I remain silent. This segment seems to continually evade me, I don't really remember this section.
"O...k," I said, puzzled. "I mean the sentiment (the flowers)is very sweet and very flattering and I like you, but not that way."
"Do you want to take a walk to talk about this?"
NOO WAY. I was thoroughly against this. I needed the support of the people around me, taking a walk would prolong and extend the situation, and I wanted a quick, clean cut break.
"Um, this is already awkward enough already, I told him, illustrating that I was unwilling.
"Then how do you feel about me? What do you think of me?"
"I like you as a friend," I repeated, pretending that the hose in the garden was absolutely riveting. at least it gave me something to concentrate on as I did this. "and that's all. I mean I have to be honest with you, you're friend, but... there's nothing here," my hand is over my heart (VERY CLICHE now that I reflect on it), "I'm sorry but that's just the way it is."
"Yeah, you'd probably meet someone in Uni aye?" He says, and I can't quite decipher the tone of his voice.
I nod slightly in reply, unsure "...er, probably?"
"Yeah," he agrees, seemingly forlorn, "what would a girl like you want with a guy like me? A guy who hasn't had a proper education, isn't properly employed..." I was shocked, he chose NOW to jump into the ocean of self-pity. Now that I think back on it, I think that he was simply having the nerve to GUILT TRIP ME, as if I didn't feel awful enough! Anyway, at the time, I truly felt sorry for him.
"Hey! hey, it's nothing against you!" I interjected quickly, "I just don't, feel anything. It's nothing against you, nothing's wrong with you." I was desperately trying to save the situation.
"Well that's what my parents were saying, they were getting pissed at me for thinking that..."
"Look, as I said, it's nothing against you."
"Thanks..."
"Oh um, Happy Birthday, by the way"
"Thank you, you know you're the first person outside my family who has greeted me that?"
"Oh really, well I remember everyone's birthday" (which is the truth)
*phew*
Then he goes on about if we could still be friends, not wanting to make the situation any more awkward or any more tension arise, I agree. That's how it went.
I often found myself wondering if I would ever regret this. Then I thought of if I changed my mind and decided to get with hip-boy, then I though of Asian Adonis, and if by some extensive stretch of the imagination he ever reciprocated my feelings. Wouldn't you just HATE that if you're trapped in a relationship with someone you don't particularly like when the right one comes along? THEN I would regret it.
I'm beginning to speak with AA a lot more, and my feelings seem to grow. He likes to tease me, in that nice un-offending way. It's a nice laugh. :D I hate my dad's timing. There I was JUST ABOUT to sit next with him and strike a conversation with him (there he was, already smiling at me in all his utter *swoon*ness), and MY DAD RINGS TELLING ME HE IS GOING TO PICK ME UP!!! GAH!!
ANYWAY. DYZ. Your car is green. I like green too. I bought a green shirt for the swimming carnival. :D
Tim is unbelievable I told him about the flowers today, this was his reply: "FLOWERS? TO OUR HOUSE? WHAT A GUY. What a guy. I respect him now, he has earned my respect, what a guy." Tim is laughing. He finds my unfortunate predicament highly amusing.
Then I tell him that they're fake. He then produces some psychotic romantic bullshit about why fake is better. "You see Dana, he didn't get you real roses because he didn't know... if anything between you was real."
I shake my fist at him.
My reply was sassy enough, "I know exactly what's between us. Nothing."
COLD LIKE CUT ICE (stolen from Dyz)
Then I told Tim that I felt awful because today was his birthday.
HE BURST OUT LAUGHING.
"DOOOOOG! THAT'S SLACK. REJECTED HIM ON HIS BIRTHDAY! YOU'RE SUCH A DOG!"
Yeah. That's how progressed my day.
Until next time -
- deeh xox.
P.S Very tired now. Spent whole day cleaning...
Thursday, 14 February 2008
HAPPY SINGLE-AWARENESS DAY-NESS
SHIT. FUCK. SHIT. CRAP. DAMN.
I don't need this, I really don't need this. I have a tonne of Maths homework to complete, I have heaps of English to do. I can't do this. I can't - how do I tell him that I don't feel the same way??
I mean he went to all the trouble, and, well, seriously I don't want to be slack. However I do know it's even more cruel to lead him on. GAH. I'M SO BUSY I DON'T NEED THIS.
GAWD. I was expecting something. A textm a phone call, I mean I was HIGHLY doubting it, but I wouldn't put it past him. HOWEVER. THE SHEER AUDACITY TO SEND... I am so mortified that I can't even articulate it.
Flattered? Yes. Happy? NO.
Man.... i cant do this.
Why couldn't it be Asian Adonis? WHY? I Talked to him the other day, and I like his personality, and he is such a talented, decent good-looking guy. Why couldn't this be from him?
I STROKED HIS HAIR. IT WAS ALL I IMAGINED IT TO BE.
Anyway, I digress. I just started really liking AA again.
And now I have to tell hip-boy that feelings don't reciprocate. I refuse to say 'reject' that's a bit mean.
Why couldn't the reciprocation of feelings occur within the people you like?
GAH. STRESSFUL. I DON'T WANT TO DWELL ON THIS ANY FURTHER!!
SOMA! I NEED MY SOMA!
Urgh. Brave New World English references.
until next time -
deeh.
Gosh. Horrified. Fuck. Sorry.
Happy singles-awareness day! (Valentine's Day)
xox
I don't need this, I really don't need this. I have a tonne of Maths homework to complete, I have heaps of English to do. I can't do this. I can't - how do I tell him that I don't feel the same way??
I mean he went to all the trouble, and, well, seriously I don't want to be slack. However I do know it's even more cruel to lead him on. GAH. I'M SO BUSY I DON'T NEED THIS.
GAWD. I was expecting something. A textm a phone call, I mean I was HIGHLY doubting it, but I wouldn't put it past him. HOWEVER. THE SHEER AUDACITY TO SEND... I am so mortified that I can't even articulate it.
Flattered? Yes. Happy? NO.
Man.... i cant do this.
Why couldn't it be Asian Adonis? WHY? I Talked to him the other day, and I like his personality, and he is such a talented, decent good-looking guy. Why couldn't this be from him?
I STROKED HIS HAIR. IT WAS ALL I IMAGINED IT TO BE.
Anyway, I digress. I just started really liking AA again.
And now I have to tell hip-boy that feelings don't reciprocate. I refuse to say 'reject' that's a bit mean.
Why couldn't the reciprocation of feelings occur within the people you like?
GAH. STRESSFUL. I DON'T WANT TO DWELL ON THIS ANY FURTHER!!
SOMA! I NEED MY SOMA!
Urgh. Brave New World English references.
until next time -
deeh.
Gosh. Horrified. Fuck. Sorry.
Happy singles-awareness day! (Valentine's Day)
xox
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