Scratch that last post. I've just discovered that he's got a girlfriend.
I mean, it's not official but the the similarities and the current circumstances don't speak coincidence.
I feel like a fool. I've really still been in this denial phase, why am I always in denial? I was denial long enough, and now that I've finally figured out my feelings for him, he has to be taken. Some bloody great timing, I have. I can't believe that I allowed myself to be seduced by the romantic notion that he may actually be single. How could I pull the wool over my own eyes? A guy with his looks doesn't stay single. A girl would be out of their minds to let him go. It's like cheating on Jessica Alba - unheard of!
I've been doing the ironing, cooking and washing the dishes. Although I am thankful for the solitude and the fact that it gives me something to do, I don't like the fact that it gives me opportunity to think. My mind just dwells and wallows in everything I feel and what I've discovered today.
Good thing I'm back to my computer so I can throw myself into my work and not resurface until its time for me to sleep. Ah studying, but a timely distraction. Tomorrow I'll confirm my fears and discover if what I've heard is indeed truth.
M heart's bruised not broken, I'll forced those floodwaters to recede and I'll build a bigger and better wall with cement and reinforced steel. Then only, only when it is then safe enough to perchance hope and dream then maybe I'll consider demolishing that floodgate. I've had my hopes bright down too many times to think otherwise, hope is a risk only the very few brave of us take. I've taken that risk too many times and returned empty-handed.
Life kicked me in the ass again, but I'm going to go and kick it right back because, I, I have a religion exam to study for.
So go study for it deeh.
And that I will.
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